


Shackles [Soulmate!AU]

by WindMeister8



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ancient China, Assassination, F/M, Force Soulmates, Kidnapping, Politics, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, War Era, empress dowager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 07:45:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7749199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindMeister8/pseuds/WindMeister8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the empress dowager, your life has never really belonged to yourself. Attaining that high status had always been your childhood goal and there was nothing you hadn't done to achieve it. But all your hard work was undermined when you were kidnapped by warriors from hostile neighboring nations.</p><p>Thankfully, someone from your past has been dispatched to save you. Battling both enemies from within the palace and outside, the journey back to The Forbidden City is fraught with danger and rediscovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beheading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](http://www.yourepeat.com/watch/?v=s72ln_IB8e0&start_at=0&end_at=223)**

If one were to imagine the abode of God, it would pale in comparison to the resplendent beauty and grandiosity of the Supreme Hall in the Forbidden City. High ceilings with intricate patterns were supported by red strong wooden beams that spanned the entire 37 meter length of the majestic hall. In the center lay the sandalwood throne, sitting on a raised platform. Dragons decorated the entire surface of the throne, symbolizing the powerful ancestry of the person who occupied its seat.

Beauty it certainly had, but power and wealth… it did not possess enough. Sitting in that cold hard seat, lord over all his subjects, his shrewd eyes took in the surroundings with a fresh perspective. From a higher ground, he watched as hundreds of his loyal subjects bowed in respect to him, prostrating themselves before him. It was hard to believe that just a few days ago he had been in their position when a twist of fate had laid this opportunity in front of him. This new vantage point showed him a different future, a brighter one filled with all the riches and power in the world.

Subconsciously, his fingers drifted over the smooth surface of the dragon head armrest, feeling the sense of security that came with it. He could get used to this quite easily. Once he made this throne his, there would be so much work to be done. These pillars that surrounded him would be made of pure gold, as would the throne. He could not wait to get started. But all would come in due time as long as he handled this predicament perfectly.

“Court is in session!” A shrill voice echoed in the hall, beginning the emergency meeting that had been called.

“Minister He Wen (Erwin),” he called out. A young man stepped out from the ranks and made his way to the center of the aisle. Dropping to one knee, he bowed his head slightly, his hands raised at head level with his right fist covered by his open left hand – a respectful greeting.

“Prime Minister Lu Bei, your humble subject brings worrying news on the Empress Dowager’s location. Unfortunately, it seem that her Highness has fallen into the hands of the Tufans. We believe they had prior knowledge of her schedule and orchestrated the abduction two weeks ago,” He Wen reported, his voice sharp and tense with worry.

Lu Bei absentmindedly stroked his beard, pondering this new development carefully. “Have the Tufan made any demands?”

“No, Prime Minister. We have yet to receive word. But we believe they will ask for the four garrisons of Xiyu that we captured,” He Wen replied.

A low murmur broke out among the officials at the mention of Xiyu – the victorious battle that had been achieved at the cost of a blood bath. Acceding to the demands of the Tufan would mean relinquishing the four cities they had fought so hard to claim. 

He knew his officials were all thinking the same thing – that it would be a huge blow to both the kingdom’s position of power and the morale of the people if they were to lose the four cities. Would losing the Empress Dowager be as devastating? Of course none of them would dare voice their thoughts out for that was tantamount to rebellion. All he need to do was give them a little push in the right direction and they would latch on to the idea rapidly.

“We can’t possibly accept their terms for that will be sending a wrong message to all our enemies. Negotiating with the Tufan will only lead to the eventual downfall of our kingdom and I will not let that happen,” he proclaimed, proud of himself for intelligently navigating through the situation.

He watched as many of the officials before him frantically bobbed their heads up and down in agreement. How easy it was to lead these people; much like herding sheep. If this was all it took to convince them, the route to the throne was much faster than he had previously thought.  Already he could feel the sweet taste of power on his tongue when He Wen’s voice interrupted his pleasant dream. 

“Indeed I agree with Prime Minister Lu that accepting our enemy’s terms is equivalent to admitting defeat. But without the Empress Dowager, our kingdom will similarly descend into chaos.”

His eyes narrowed at He Wen, studying the young man’s intense eyes and firm jawline. To think that this puny junior minister would dare to not only question his judgement but also insinuate that he would not be suitable for the throne made his blood boil. The fact that He Wen did all that in a way that seemed like he was agreeing with him meant that he couldn’t even reprimand the man.

Making a mental note to get rid of this minister once he became the Emperor, Lu Bei replied in as even a tone as he could manage, “So what would Minister He suggest then?”

“With all due respect, Prime Minister, your humble servant thinks that a small troop of soldiers should be sent to rescue the Empress. We can stall the Tufan by pretending to accede to their demands and while they celebrate, the soldiers would attempt the rescue.”

Lu Bei leaned forward, an idea forming at the back of his mind. “And how many soldiers should we send?”

“Not many, Prime Minister,” He Wen replied. “Too many would be too conspicuous and alert the Tufan to our plan. I would say three to four of our best men would be enough.”

As his plan started coming together, Lu Bei spoke slowly, “That is indeed a good suggestion, Minister He. However, I’m still not too happy about how the abduction of the Empress was so well planned out. To make sure that this plan does not leak out, I will personally choose the men who will attempt the Empress’s rescue. And I would like everyone present here to remain in their respective quarters as well.”

He smirked as he noticed the officials’ discomfort and anxiety at his decree, although what gave him more pleasure was the grim look on He Wen’s face as the young man realized that he had just been outsmarted. This was just the beginning though and he was enjoying every single second of it. Just a little more time…

 

….before I die at the hands of the Tufan. That was the grim fate that lay in front of me. Three and a half weeks I had waited for my people to respond to the demands of the Tufan and yet here I was, strapped to a pole with my hands bound above me. 

It didn’t take too much effort to guess why I had been abandoned. My deceitful prime minister Lu Bei must have been appointed as my stand-in as only he would have done such a spiteful and utterly ridiculous act. If he thought that being the emperor was such an easy job, then he was welcome to try his hand at it. Shaking my head at his stupidity, I could only imagine the speed at which he would undermine all my hard work in building up the Zhou kingdom. If not for the decree of the late emperor, I would have eliminated Lu Bei from the start of my reign.

Yet here I was, soon to be walking to my death. I didn’t feel fear. If I did, I would have been long dead since my days in the Forbidden Palace. No, if anything, I felt indignant at my abduction. Something about the whole circumstance surrounding my capture nagged at the back of my mind. My monthly visits outside of the Forbidden Palace had always been planned to perfection; nothing was left to chance. What were the odds that a group of highly trained Tufan spies were in the vicinity and had known my identity?

And yet it was only after I had visited the jewelry shop to get my golden bracelet fixed that they had made a move. Thinking back, they had plenty of chances before that to make their move. Nothing stood to gain for them by waiting till such a late time to strike. Unless…. they had not known who their target was.

As it dawned on me what had identified me to my abductors, I tilted my head up. The soft silk sleeve that once covered my arm now hung loosely at my elbows, exposing the black tattoo of a dragon which sat just above my wrist. The mark was bold and thick, engraved on the skin as if it was a birth mark. My eyes traced the curves of the dragon tattoo absentmindedly, once again entranced by its intricacy and elegant design that seemed so surreal, and at the same time repulsed by its significance. It served as a reminder of my sacrifices and the duties that I was bound to – a lingering curse that would follow me to my grave. And apparently, it had also tipped off my kidnappers as to my identity.

Few people were marked with the sign of the dragon – only members of the royal family and their respective soulmates were granted such a regal design. The size and intricacy of the dragon crest further served to distinguish a couple’s status, with mine being the highest. It came as no wonder that the Tufan had instantly recognized my soulmate tattoo.

Sighing in exasperation, I tore my gaze away from the mark that bound me to my fate. The mystery of how I had been picked out of the crowd now solved, I turned my attention towards how they had even known I would be in the vicinity. Maybe if I could dissect this situation into its bare elements, I would find out a way out of here.

Luck, however, was not on my side. Hearing footsteps from outside, I held my head up high and straightened my back as much as I could. As bad as my current status was, I wasn’t about to bow down to my kidnappers in deference. I had my dignity to uphold.

A tall burly man with a sharp face walked in, wearing the typical high-collar Tufan warrior robes along with a thick fur hat. His hand rested on his sword, its hilt pierced of iron inlaid with gold, a sign of his seniority within the ranks of warriors. I recognized him as the leader of the group of abductors, one of the higher-ranking warriors that had made his name known even within our community.

“Looks like you’re up, Empress. Sorry if I don’t bow or address you with the respect that you’re so used to,” he snickered as he eyed me like an eagle hovering over its prey.

Matching his steady gaze, I countered, “Why it’s my honor to finally meet the well-known General Wangchuk. One would think that such a fine general would be gentleman enough to provide a comfortable setting for a lady.”

“I don’t think that would be necessary, Empress,” Wangchuk replied as he moved closer to check my restraints were properly secured. Bending down, his cold eyes met mine. “After all, I don’t recall a lady as being one who has so much bloodshed on her hands, let alone the blood of her own child.”

My expression never wavered as I stared right into the black depths of his irises. If he expected some kind of reaction from me, disappointment was all he would get. No matter how much blood stained my hands, everything I did was of my own choice and never once have I looked back.

Finally, Wangchuk broke his gaze, straightening up as he did. “Anyway, it looks like your people finally got the message. They have promised to release the four cities back to us and so, we will honor our agreement by letting you go.”

A wave of relief washed through me but I could not let it show, for that would only bring him satisfaction. Settling with a faint smile, I nodded in acknowledgement. 

Wangchuk cleared his throat, clearly disappointed at my lack of response. “Well we’ll be celebrating this joyous occasion of the reclamation of our land and of course, Empress, you’re cordially invited to the banquet,” he said brusquely.

“Thank you, General Wangchuk. I see no reason why I couldn’t possibly accept.”

Nodding gruffly, he shot me a glare before leaving the tent, leaving me to wonder whether he would renege on his promise by the end of the day. Something told me that my guess wouldn’t be that far off..

 

The rhythmic beat of the drums and celebratory singing drifted into my tent, along with the tempting odor of smoking meat. Hunger was driving my body to its limits and I had to suppress its uncouth voice from escaping. Such disgraceful sounds would hurt my dignity, even if the only people to hear it would be the three guards standing around me in the tent. 

In an attempt to release my body from its natural cravings, I turned my attention to the shadowy figures in the next tent that housed General Wangchuk and his closest soldiers. Hearty laughter and drunken cheers rose from there and I could already imagine the level of intoxication they were in. The cause for such careless behavior was of course well-justified, given that their objective had now been achieved. It was only a matter of days for the agreement between the Tufan and the Tang to take place, which would grant the Tufan tremendous victory.

Now that my release has been decided, I would have to focus on resolving this large mess on my plate. Top on my agenda was of course to uncover the mole that was working for the Tufan. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the orchestration of someone within our ranks and if no action were to be taken, the consequences would be more severe than this. My enemies were many but I was confident that my swift and ruthless plan of action would quickly cut off the head of their operation…

Too absorbed in my thoughts, I almost failed to realize that the neighboring tent seemed somewhat quiet. The music from outside still drowned out most of the noises but it seemed that the activity next door had died down. Behind the curtain, there wasn’t much movement.

From the corner of my eyes, I looked at the guards around me. Their lack of expression told me they hadn’t noticed anything different; so bored and disappointed were they at not being able to join in the festivities that they were oblivious to the events taking place in their general’s tent.

Just then a soldier from the neighbor tent burst in, his robe stained a blood red. 

“Help! General Wangchuk, he-“

The guards snapped to attention, moving in unison as they approached the startled soldier whose hands still dripped with blood. His face was ashen and his eyes wide with fear but his hands never trembled. As the three burly men approached him, his slim figure remained stock still, poised more like an animal waiting for its prey.

In an instant, he whipped out a long curved dagger and slashed at the man nearest to him, slicing right through his neck. His movements were swift and calculated; moving on to the next one even before the first drop of blood had fallen. Within seconds, three bodies lay on the floor in the middle of a growing red pool.

The assassin finally glanced at me, his cold eyes betraying the façade he put on earlier to trick the guards. His left hand still clutching the dagger, he moved slowly towards me. Swallowing down my fear, I raised my voice.

“Who are you?? Do you not know who I am?”

“Yes I do,” he replied, his voice gentle in contrast to his stern expression. 

“Empress (L/N),” he greeted me as he removed his hat, revealing a bald scalp with a single bold character tattooed on it. “Your humble servant Ge Tuo pays his respect.”

Recognizing the symbol of the dragon on his scalp, a sigh of relief escaped my lips. “Hurry and untie me from this bonds before anyone finds out.”

“I’m sorry, Empress,” he replied.

My eyes widened in confusion as I saw him lift his dagger up high. This couldn’t be happening. I desperately took in his expression, trying to read what was going on behind that face of his. Nothing, there was nothing. 

“Lu Bei sends his regards,” he said before bringing the dagger down in a swift motion.

There was a glint of metal and I closed my eyes reflexively, waiting for death to welcome me into its embrace. But there was nothing and I could still feel my heart thumping ferociously in its cage. Opening my eyes hurriedly, I saw Ge Tuo still in front of me with his dagger held only inches away from me. Then I saw his soulless eyes and the tip of an arrow jutting out from his chest. A second later he crumpled to the ground beside my feet.

Looking up, I saw another soldier standing behind him, his bow drawn. Seeing that his opponent had been defeated, the man lowered his bow and dropped down on one knee.

“Empress (L/N), your subject Captain Li Wai (Levi) apologizes for the unexpected mishap.”

 

_Li Wai….._

_It couldn’t be…. him._


	2. Instinct

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](http://www.yourepeat.com/watch/?v=s72ln_IB8e0))**

_Trembling from fear and hunger, the girl clutched her stomach as she rocked to and fro. Small whimpers escaped her parched lips, the pain gradually becoming unbearable. Still, she dared not move from her hiding place underneath the wooden stairs, for her mother had warned her to keep quiet and remain still until she came to fetch her._

_That was several days ago when the soldiers finally reached their little village on the border between Tang and Tufan territory. She had barely crawled into the little space when the door to their hut had been kicked open. Curling into a ball, she keenly felt each vibration caused by the loud thumping of the soldier’s boots around her home. The sounds of objects clattering and smashing followed, which made her wince each time._

_When they finally finished ransacking the place, she let out a small sigh, thinking that they would leave now. But a sudden shriek from her mother turned the blood in her veins ice cold. Hearing her mother cry out for her dead father, her own tears flowed of their own accord as she pressed a hand to her mouth to prevent her voice from leaving her._

_Her mother’s cries then ended sharply, followed by a loud thump. Footsteps receded into the distance as the soldiers left her house, and she was plunged into deathly silence. Desperately, she waited for her mother or father to come and get her. To tell her that everything was alright and they would go back to being a family again._

_But as time passed by, she was forced to resign herself to the facts of the matter. Alone in the darkness, she wept and wept until no more tears would fall. With nobody to tell her that it was safe, she refused to leave her hiding place, afraid that the soldiers were still near._

_However, with each growing day, the hunger pangs intensified to the point that she had to stifle the urge to groan out loud. She didn’t know how long she could last in there anymore. Maybe now, it would be safe to leave.._

_A soft creak startled her and she froze. Were the soldiers back? She strained her ears, listening to the soft and steady footfalls. The footsteps grew nearer, ascending the stairs until it reached the step she was under. Abruptly, it stopped._

_She held her breath, waiting for it to pass but it didn’t. Her heart pounded furiously in her ribcage no matter how hard she wished it to keep still. Terrified that the person above could hear it, she clutched her chest, hoping that it would muffle the sound._

_The wooden board above her head groaned and screeched before it was completely torn off. Squeezing her eyes shut, a tear ran down her cheek as she waited for death to come to her in the way it came to her parents. When nothing happened, she hesitantly opened one eye._

_A young boy, not much older than her, looked down into her hiding place with an expressionless face. His hair was cut short and his grey hemp tunic hung loose, the sash barely holding it together. In his hand was a small dagger – probably the same one he had used to pry open the wooden step – but it was clean with no traces of blood on it. He regarded her a second longer with his sharp eyes before moving back down the stairs._

_She remained still, unsure of what she should do next with her hiding place exposed. Downstairs, she could hear him rummaging around but other than that, there was no other sound. The soldiers must have left._

_Building up her courage, she got up slowly, her body aching as she stretched her joints. She held on to the wall as she made her way down, her eyes searching for the boy. At the bottom of the stairs, she could see two bodies lying face down in a pool of dried blood. Knowing that those were her parents, she tore her gaze away, unable to bring herself to see their corpses._

_She stepped into the kitchen, her feet hitting one of the pots lying on the ground as she did. The sound alerted the boy to her presence and he turned to look at her. She gulped nervously, worried that he would consider her a threat, but he only gave a short glance before returning to his raid of the food supplies._

_Letting out a shaky breath, she turned her attention to the mess around her. The soldiers had left nothing untouched and everything had been turned upside down. Her gaze fell on a steamed bun on the floor near her, provoking a low growl from her stomach. She reached for it greedily and was ready to bite into its white surface when a voice rang out._

_“I wouldn’t eat that.”_

_Her mouth hung open as she stared at the boy. He shook his head before tossing her a piece of dried meat. “Here, you little pig.”_

_She eyed it ravenously before devouring it in a second. The feeling of having even a morsel of food in her stomach was so satisfying. With the meat all gone, she licked her lips, hungry for more._

_“Thank you..” she murmured. “…y-your name?”_

_He paused, turning around to look at her with that cold gaze of his._

_“Li Wai. (Levi)”_

 

Wrapped in the baggy robes that Li Wai had stripped off the dead Tufan warrior, I shuffled close behind him, keeping my head low. A piece of cloth covered my lower face, leaving only my eyes and nose visible. From a distance, I looked like one of the Tufans but if one were to come closer, they would be able to notice the difference in eyes and skin.

Yet so far, there had been no trouble escaping from the Tufan camp. Busy in their festivity, no one had suspected the two warriors heading for the animal sheds. Ahead, Li Wai kept a confident and steady stride, as if he belonged there. Following in his footsteps, I maintained a sweeping gaze of our surroundings as much as I could from my bent posture.  The incident with Ge Tuo had heightened my sense of caution, leading me to subconsciously keep an eye out for any further enemies – be they Tufans or Tang warriors.

Li Wai came to a halt. In front of us were dozens of horses, all of the purest breed and the pride of the Tufan people. He walked down the rows of animals until he stopped at a light brown horse, quickly untying it from its post.

At the sight of a stranger other than its owner, the horse neighed, jerking its head in protest. But Li Wai stroked its mane while whispering into its ear, causing the animal to calm down enough for him to lead it away from its herd. When we were far enough from the Tufan camp, Li Wai held out his hand to me, his head bowed in deference.

“Empress, please mount the horse first.”

Staring at his outstretched hand in front of me, I shook my head absentmindedly. Were this man really the same person I knew, he would have known better than to offer his help in this matter. Admittedly though, even the late emperor took some time to get accustomed to the fact that his wife did not require his assistance when it came to horses. But that was because he had no knowledge of my experience with such animals, much unlike the youth who had taught me all that I knew now.

Pointedly ignoring his offered help, I placed my hand on the horse’s withers and held its mane. I pushed my left leg off the ground, swiftly swinging my right leg over the horse’s back. Seeing that I was already seated, Li Wai swung himself up too, landing in front of me.

“Please excuse the circumstance, Empress but it would be best if you held on to your humble servant,” he said as he clutched the reins.

I complied, wrapping my arms around his waist while leaving a little space between our bodies. Li Wai immediately gave a sharp flick of his wrist and the horse leapt into motion, bounding away from the camp where I had been held captive. Though my ordeal was by no means exceedingly torturous, I was glad to be free even if it was a moment sooner. But I could not rejoice too early for our journey back was just beginning….

 

And how arduous it was from the start. Despite the calm and serene environment around us, Li Wai made haste, refusing to stop lest the Tufan would catch up. To throw any pursuers off our trail, he had taken the long route, circling back where necessary just as a precaution. It made the journey twice as long but given the lack of manpower that we had, it reduced the chances of having to confront the Tufan directly.

By the time we entered the forest, the sun was already heading to sleep, its light casting a strong orange hue on the surrounding trees. My worry only increased as I watched my shadow stretch longer and longer with the setting of the sun. 

As if he could read my mind, Li Wai spoke in a low tone. “There is a small village just past this forest. We can take shelter there if Empress (L/N) does not mind.”

“I do not mind. But will they be hostile?”

My question hung in the air like a thick fog. With my hands still clutching his waist, I could feel Li Wai tense up. Even before his lips parted to answer me, I knew what his unspoken answer would be.

“Empress does not need to worry about that.”

That same sinking feeling accompanied his words, dragging my heart further down into the deep mire that had become the essence of my being. Once again for my sake, there would be bloodshed and yet I would have no regrets. For this was part of life – my life, at least. I wonder, does that make me less human? What does he think of that?

For the entire time, I had debated as to whether the man in front of me was indeed the one I knew. The name was similar, but so many people shared that name. Yet there couldn’t be so many Li Wai’s within the palace, not to mention one with such a high rank. The odds were that this was the same person but did it matter? If he was, what would I do with that information?

All of a sudden, my thoughts were abruptly ended by the whizz of an arrow. Instinctively, I ducked, bringing my head closer to Li Wai’s back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an arrow embedded into the trunk of the tree on the right, its black feathers vibrating slightly with the impact.

“Keep your head down, Empress!” Li Wai ordered as he coaxed the mare to move faster.

The beast galloped through the forest at top speed, passing trees whose branches reached out and snagged my clothes. I kept my body as low as possible, tightening my grip around Li Wai’s waist as I watched the ground below melt into a blur under the thundering hooves. Each arrow that shot past us made me hold my breath, each sharp turn threw my body one way or the other, leaving me clinging to the man in front of me with all my might.

A sharp neigh shattered the rhythmic pounding, my body pulled to the ground as the mare reared up, its forelegs leaving the ground. In an instant, Li Wai and I were thrown off its back and we landed on the ground with a hard thump. My body screamed in pain at the impact, my eyes squeezing shut as I endured the wave of agony rippling through. 

Wheezing, I hauled myself to my feet. Li Wai stood in front of me wielding a sword with one hand and the other outstretched as if to protect me from the enemy’s sights. I glanced down at the horse, noticing the two arrows protruding from its hind legs. It would no longer be of any use to us, a quick death would serve it well. The same could not be said of us as we stood in the open with no cover, exposed and vulnerable. Manpower we had one, weapons we had few, and the terrain served no better, with only thin trees surrounding us. The land was relatively flat, save for the steep downward slope to our right that helped us none.

“Captain Li Wai.”

A man dressed in the Tufan garb stepped out from behind a cluster of trees not fifteen feet away, a long sword in his hand. Two other similarly dressed men then stepped into view, flanking us on the left and right – one holding a bow, one holding an axe.

The man with the sword was the one who spoke, his demeanor confident and assertive, markings of the leader of the group. His free hand reached for his hat, removing it to reveal the same bold character that Ge Tuo bore on his scalp.

“Put your weapon down, Captain Li Wai,” he ordered.

Though his back was all that I could see, I tried to study Li Wai’s reaction. He was all that stood between me and the men whose motives were highly suspect. If he were to betray me now, my chances of survival would be as low as when I was held captive. 

His grip on the sword only tightened as he replied tersely, “My mission is to rescue the Empress and bring her back to the palace. Should you stand in my way, I would have to cut you down.”

With a smirk on his face, the leader pulled out a red scroll and held it up high. “Well, your orders have changed. Prime Minister Lu Bei has become the stand-in emperor and I have his new orders in this scroll. The Empress is to be killed, either by your hands or ours. If you resist, you will be deemed a traitor and sentenced to death.”

My eyes widened in horror at the words that spilled out from his lips. To think that scoundrel Lu Bei had the gall to commit such treachery against me! Oh how I yearned to subject him to _lingchi_ (death by a thousand cuts) – one of the worst punishments that existed in the Forbidden Palace. Indignant at the death sentence handed out to me by my own minister, I pushed Li Wai’s arm away and faced the leader directly. With both hands on my hips, I regarded him with a furious expresion.

“How dare you address your ruler that way!” I bellowed. “That scroll you hold in your hand is by no means official. I will see to it that your head rolls and that of your entire family!”

Li Wai suddenly stepped in front of me, cutting my tirade short. I fixed my glare on him, irate at his disobedience. My lips parted in a snarl, ready to lash out at him when I noticed his cold and impassive expression. Those grey eyes of his held a glint that triggered a distant recollection. Vague though it was, the emotions that came with it were as clear as if it had happened the day before. A chill ran down my spine as my memory subconsciously evoked the salty taste of tears… and the rusty smell of blood.

“I’m sorry, Empress.”


	3. Paths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](http://www.yourepeat.com/watch/?v=Hl5A3mO19Cg&start_at=0&end_at=62))**

_The impact of my body hitting the liquid surface caused my breath to escape from my lungs, only for it to be replaced instantly with water. Desperately, I thrashed my arms around and kicked my legs every which way. My head surfaced above water and I gasped loudly, grateful for a chance to breathe. Righting myself to a vertical position, I realized the water level only came to my hips, allowing me to stand with my feet safely planted on the ground._

_My breath came out in raspy pants and the bruises all over my body screamed at me to rest but I could not let my guard down. Through the wet locks of hair that stuck to my face, I scanned my surroundings with a watchful eye. Over the soft sigh of the gentle stream and the buzz of the cicadas in the nearby forest, I could not hear anything else. My gaze traveled up the steep slope that led to the forest, noting the small traces of evidence that pointed to my roll down the incline._

_Squinting my eyes, I tried to make out any hidden shadows lurking behind the tall trees but the darkness cast by the approaching evening sky did little to help. For all I knew, my assassins might already be on their way towards me. Swallowing the panic that was rising within me, I recollected my thoughts, focusing on one thing and one thing only – my survival._

_Before all the chaos that erupted with the appearance of the three assassins, Li Wai had mentioned a village not far from here. If I could just get there, I might be able to find shelter and food. Having a goal in mind, my old survival instinct kicked in and I lay flat on my back, allowing the current to drag me along. With my head above water, I timed my breathing with the flow of the water, keeping my gaze steadily focused downstream._

_Should there be a village, my only hope was for it to be down river. Traveling this way was less than ideal, but I needed to put as much distance between myself and my pursuers without leaving any tracks. Maybe my effort might be for naught since they were likely to know my destination but one could only hope._

_The only one who could anticipate my actions fully would be Li Wai but I couldn’t decide whether that was a fortunate or unfortunate circumstance. Pushing me down the slope was a calculated decision on his part that could only mean that his intention was to save me. Yet did I really know him that well for me to say that?_

_The look in his eyes when he apologized to me still played over and over again in my mind, dredging up countless buried memories that threw my heart into turmoil. From the time that he first introduced himself as Captain Li Wai until now, a single question remained forefront in my thoughts. It had always been on the tip of my tongue but try as I could, it never left my lips. Were I to see him again, could I finally bring myself to ask?_

_A looming boulder in the stream abruptly interrupted my train of thought, switching my focus back to the current situation. I was heading straight for it, unable to veer away. Every second I wasted not doing anything was a second towards imminent danger. Making a quick decision, I tucked my body in, my head dipping under water for a split second before I resurfaced. Sputtering, I planted my feet on the water bed but the current drove me forward until my outstretched hands hit the surface of the cold boulder. The impact stung but my battered body was already immune to any additional pain._

_I lifted my head up and the sight that greeted me brought instant relief. Several yards away lay the village, its array of twinkling lights beckoning me forward. A week smile broke across my lips at the thought of a warm fire and solid food to ease my body and soul. Just a little more and I would be there-_

_“Empress.”_

_I froze in place, my heart dropping in despair. So close was I to freedom only for it to be snatched away so suddenly. Cautiously, I turned my head towards the source of the voice, my hand dropping to my side as I discretely searched for a weapon of sorts. Not more than a few feet to my right lay a man sprawled on a cluster of rocks, blood seeping out from various cuts on his torso, the Tufan soldier’s garb he wore in tatters._

_When his gaze finally met mine, an involuntary gasp left my lips as I recognized Li Wai’s bloodied face. His steely grey eyes were glazed over and as he stumbled towards me, it was apparent that he had lost a lot of blood. Though the inner child in me yearned to rush to his aid, I suppressed my old instincts and remained stock still. Obscured from his view, my left hand rummaged until it brushed against a rough, wooden surface. Grabbing hold of it, I realized it was one of many branches that hugged the side of the boulder. With a sharp twist of my wrist, it snapped into two and I held it close to my body, poising to strike._

_“I… found… this,” Li Wai wheezed, his right hand reaching behind him as he neared me._

_His movement instantly triggered my refined senses and I whipped out the only weapon I had, slashing upwards as I aimed for his torso. The broken branch cut across his skin, but with my weakened state, it only drew blood from his shoulder blade. Still, it dealt enough damage as Li Wai staggered backwards, his hand falling to his side, balled in a fist._

_He looked at me through half-opened eyelids, a wry smile on his face as he opened his trembling hand, revealing an ankle bracelet with a small peach. My eyes widened at the sight of it and as he crumpled towards the ground, the last words that left his lips sent me flying towards him._

_小猪 (Little pig)…._

 

My childhood nickname. How ironic it was given how emaciated our bodies were as children when we roamed from village to village. Li Wai had christened me with it after I had wolfed down a piece of dried meat like a hungry pig, which in my defense was perfectly normal behavior given my deficit of food for days. 

Even at a young age, I had recognized that this angry-looking boy was my best means of survival. Indignant though I was at his lack of manners, I trailed behind him for days until he finally accepted that he wasn’t going to shake me off easily. My decision back then probably saved me from meeting an early death; the survival skills I picked up from him having saved my skin countless times.

And yet with another ironic twist of fate, those same skills almost rid him of his life at my hands. If my aim had been a little more toward the right, he would not be lying in bed with me by his side now. Observing him at this close range, I noted the lines across his forehead, the bags below his eyes, the tinge of grey at the roots of his hair. Age was catching up to us, the stress of our daily lives sucking away the youth that we should have. Where had all the time slipped away to, I wonder?

“Tch.”

His eyes still closed, Li Wai clicked his tongue. Recognizing his old habit, I moved backwards just in time before his right arm swerved up reflexively, his hand clutching an imaginary dagger. Now fully awake, he opened his eyes, immediately taking in the fact that I was seated to the right of his bed.

“Empre-“ He jerked up from his prone position, but the pain brought on by his sudden movement caused his hand to fly to his chest.

Motioning for him to remain at ease, I said, “Your wounds aren’t healed yet. Rest.”

He uttered a short sigh and leaned backwards, resting his upper body on the brick wall. Looking around, he asked, “Where are we?”

“One of the villager’s abode. They were kind enough to take us in despite our… suspicious circumstances.” I gestured at his wounds. “How are you feeling?”

Examining the bandages that zig-zagged around his torso and arm, he flexed his muscles slowly. Satisfied with the first aid, he gave a sharp nod. “Pretty alright. But I need to get my strength back.”

“Good.” 

I got up and walked across the small room. At the corner was a small wooden table, above which hung an oil lamp. The dim light cast by the lamp was barely enough to illuminate the tray of food resting on the table but thanks to the rays from the rising sun streaming in through the window above, the room was adequately lit. A short huff blew out the flame, saving the kind villager’s family just a little more oil.

With the tray in hand, I crossed back to the bed and placed it on Li Wai’s lap. “Go ahead and eat up.”

“Thank you.” He bowed his head before digging into the meal.

Watching him devour the plain steamed buns, I was reminded once again of the boy from my childhood. “You really are that angry-looking boy from back then.”

“Yes.”

“When did you enter the army?”

He swallowed the last of the buns and reached for the wooden cup of water. “About two years after you entered the palace.”

I let out a humorless chuckle. “And here I thought you were still the coward you used to be. What made you change your mind?”

There it was. The question I longed to ask was now hanging in the air, awaiting an answer. Staring at Li Wai, I watched as he placed the cup down, the water gulped down but his eyes still not meeting mine. 

“You.”

 

_“Why won’t you follow me, Li Wai???”_

_The sixteen-year old boy gazed into her fiery eyes, his own fear reflected through it. Never before had he experienced such distress, not even when his only relative and guardian had been murdered in front of his eyes. He should have known this moment was coming but he had hoped that showing her a better path would change her mind._

_“Why don’t you follow me, (F/N)? Look at all this.” He spread his arms wide, gesturing at the large green meadow and the bustling small town that lay just beyond it. “We can start a new life, free of suffering-“_

_“Don’t you understand??” She hissed, her teeth bared. “I. Don’t. Want. That.”_

_Thrusting the parchment in front of his face, she tapped it repeatedly. “This… this…. Is a great opportunity. We fit all the requirements and enlistment starts tomorrow.”_

_“The Imperial Palace is a dangerous place that shows no pity to the weak and innocent.” Sweeping a hand through his hair, he shook his head. “We’ve already suffered so much. Why… why can’t we just lead a normal life together?”_

_She lowered her outstretched hand, snorting in disbelief. “All these years, Li Wai. All these years we’ve struggled to survive. Walking from one village to another, scavenging what we can, hiding in fear whenever we think we hear the tiniest sound…”_

_The hitch in her voice followed by a short pause made Li Wai look at her sympathetically. She wasn’t like this before. The girl he had first met was innocent, kind, and curious about the world. But since they began their journey together, he had noticed the gradual change in her character. Each ordeal they had encountered, each near-death experience they came back from, the hatred in her only grew. Only hope kept her going – hope that they would reach a land without war and start life anew._

_“The Tufan made us like this. And they will pay, mark my words,” she spat._

_He shuddered at the venom of her words, so strong was her desire for revenge that no amount of blood spilled could sate her soul. There was no longer hope in her for she had abandoned it after that incident which rendered them both broken._

_But try he would to make her see reason. He pleaded vehemently, “Revenge won’t get you anywhere, (F/N). Would you be satisfied only when the entire Tufan people are decimated?? They have innocent men, women, children – just like us.”_

_Already he could see her shaking her head, refusing to accept his plea. But he pushed on. “If.. revenge is what you desire, then it has already been done. That… man is already dead-“_

_“Stop it, Li Wai!” she yelled. Her bottom lip trembled, the slight glisten in her eyes forcing her to blink several times. When she next spoke, her voice came out as barely a whisper. “Why can’t you just… come with me?”_

_He hesitated as images of blood and screaming resurfaced in his mind unbidden. Looking down at his palms, he saw the marks of dark red scratches where there were in fact none. He remembered the anger he felt when he saw the terror in her eyes, he remembered the satisfaction it gave him when he sank his clean blade into the man’s chest, he remembered that pure animalistic instinct all too well. And it frightened him._

_Following her into the Imperial Palace meant walking down the road of bloodshed. His trembling hands reminded him of how that felt, and that was just one man. A bad man, at that. Would he be available to take the lives of many, both innocent and guilty?_

_“Forget it.”_

_He raised his head to see her standing ramrod straight, her gaze cold and determined. Before he could utter a single word, she spun away from him and walked towards the village._

_“(F/N).”_

_She paused. Turning her head sideways, she spoke quietly, her words calculated to hurt._

_“From here on, we walk our own paths for I could never walk the path of a coward.”_

 

“For years, those words of yours would haunt me every time I closed my eyes. Though my life as a stable boy was comfortable and peaceful, my heart was never at ease.”

The stinging pain in Li Wai’s voice was evident. As I remembered the way in which we parted, it brought on a similar ache in my chest. It had not been easy for me to cut myself off from him and many a time, I caught myself thinking of him subconsciously during my first year in the Imperial Palace as a chamber maid. But as I quickly ascended in rank, those thoughts dwindled until they were a mere fleeting question as to whether he was still alive or dead. I had no time or energy to spare on such useless ponderings when a miscalculated decision could easily destroy my status or worse, my life.

But hearing Li Wai speak of how my words made such a profound impact on him stunned me. Wanting to hear more, I remained silent, implicitly urging him to continue talking.

He gave me a quick glance before his gaze returned to the empty cup that he held in his hands. “I had no idea what had happened to you until one day, I heard that the Emperor had banished you to the Cold Palace after you murdered the Empress’s child. I was shaken, to say the least.”

“My reason for not wanting to enter the Imperial Palace was because I didn’t want you to be in harm’s way.” His grip on the wooden cup tightened. “But I realized that was your decision to make, not mine. If I could not persuade you away from your path, then the least I could do was to protect you.”

My chest tightening in response, I had to suppress the urge to clutch it, leaving my hands folded in my lap. I maintained my upright posture, my unwavering expression. But within, my barriers were crumbling, the regret and despair I locked away now leaking out. My ears still rang with my desperate plea to him so many years ago to follow me, my eyes still had imprinted in them his hesitant look that told me everything I needed to know. The sinking feeling of not having his support made me abandon him before he could utter the words that would cast me away.

“I was wrong to have let you go alone. That has been my only regret in this life,” Li Wai continued. “It is the greatest honor of my life to be able to guard you once again.”

I could barely breathe, my lips parting just a little as if to catch the last whisper of air. My heart felt strangely at peace, like a huge weight had been lifted from my soul. It was a warming sensation that was very reminiscent, yet something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

Until a burning pain in my arm distracted me from my thoughts. It wasn’t as much a searing ache as it was a nagging sting that sat just above my left wrist. I had not been injured in that area, let alone feel any sort of pain for the past few hours. And what bothered me the most was that it seemed to originate from within my body…

Li Wai’s voice broke through my thoughts as he resumed. “In a way, this is just like old times. Except of course, we’ve matured so much since then.”

As I pieced together what was happening, my eyes widened in realization and I instantly recovered my aloof demeanor. Staring down at him, I snapped, “You seem to forget who you’re talking to, _Captain_ Li Wai. Your head could roll for such disrespect.”

Li Wai immediately dipped his head so low that it almost touched the tray on his lap. “Your humble subject begs for your forgiveness, my words were not well thought out and a result of my weakened physique.”

Rising from the chair, I gave a wave of my hand, dismissing him. “Seeing that you meant no harm, I shall pretend that you never mentioned it. Once you’re fully rested, we’ll leave this place.”

“Thank you, Empress.”

I nodded curtly and left the small room, shutting the wooden door behind me. As I leant against its frame, I pulled up my sleeve, exposing the soulmate tattoo on my arm. Its black ink was tinted with red, the veins that snaked below it already green. A shiver ran down my spine as my worst fears were confirmed. 

There was no turning back now.

Not after the first disintegration.


	4. Mercy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](http://listenonrepeat.com/?v=iM-MG8MYYbQ#Most_Emotional_Music_Ever%3A_City_Of_Sadness)**

The ankle-length sheepskin coat tickled my bare skin as I slipped it on, the thick material lending warmth to my cool body. After years of donning only the finest silk, it felt oddly familiar. Perhaps it was that same odor of charcoal that I recalled as a child. That stench of poverty which knew no borders, that cared not whether you were Han or Tufan.

I recalled wearing a similar garment, though the style and fabric of the Han was different from that of the Tufan’s. Vague grainy memories of when my own mother gifted me my first full-sized robe played in my mind, causing my lips to break in a wistful smile. So proud of my new robe, I had worn it for many days later… until the Tufan raided our little village. My smile dropping, the scent of ashes filled my senses, the visage of a small fire at my feet burnt in the back of my eyes.

Tying the sash tightly around my waist with a hard yank, my jaw clenched at the sight of the enemy’s garb wrapped around my body. Here I was, in a Tufan’s villager abode, dressed in their clothes. What would my younger self say? 

My fists clenched at my sides, I felt the burning heat of revenge in the pits of my stomach. Locked away, it now festered, its rage directed at the people who lived within the territory I was now so deep in. But shaking my head, the rational part of my mind took over. I was no longer the young immature girl I used to be. I was capable of much more.

Inhaling slowly, I doused the flames of hatred until they were nothing but cinders. I reminded myself once again that my goal was no longer that of revenge. The Tufan were a threat. They were to be neutralized, not exterminated. 

My objective now firmly in place, I turned my focus to the more minor but pertinent details. The coat I wore was obviously meant for a larger person. The sleeves dangling inches below my hands, I raised my arms, letting the fabric fall down to my elbows. As it did, the tattoo above my wrist was exposed, pulling my attention towards it.

The red tint to the ink still remained, as did the green color of the veins below it. Gulping, I tried applying pressure to the spot, hoping that somehow the color would turn back to normal. Seconds passed, yet nothing changed as I expected. I knew it would be a useless effort, but it was worth the try.

What was it that I had heard people say? First, the change in color. Next, the pangs of pain as the body disintegrates internally.

My fingers digging sharply into my palm, my right hand reached for the small, sharp pin on the table. Squeezing it between my fingers, I held it close to my outstretched wrist. The light glinting off the tips, I ran it down my skin, the cold metal sending a chill as it did. Stopping at the dragon tattoo, I pressed the pin down gently.

Pricking the top of the dragon’s black head, it drew a small drop of blood, the red color tainting the tip of the pin. I stared at the dark shade, unable to find any tinge of green to it. The poisonous color that flowed through my veins was not removable. Unless, of course, I cut it off… completely.

But that was not an option. It wasn’t the arm nor the wrist that caused this. It was my heart.

I lowered my arm, letting the sleeve drop down before fastening it tightly around my wrist with the pin. Doing the same with the other sleeve, the last touches were finished. Under the bright, warm sunlight that streamed in through the windows of the small hut, I studied myself in the small mirror by the table. The person looking back at me resembled a normal peasant woman, though the soft texture and fairer unblemished skin would tell otherwise. 

Would this be how I looked like had I not entered the Imperial Palace? Tilling the farm in a distant countryside with Li Wai-

A sharp sting at my left wrist elicited a hiss from my thinly drawn lips. Lifting the sleeve up a little, my eyes narrowed at the sight of the green poison snaking further down my veins toward my elbow. I had not fully believed in how soulmate tattoos worked, thinking that the magic behind it would not be as far-reaching to be able to discern slight changes in the heart.

Apparently, I was wrong. Just the slightest shift in my emotions, the slightest falter away from the man whose soulmate tattoo matched mine… and the poison would react, reminding me of the unbreakable bond I had forged with the belated Emperor. 

The soulmate magic allowed no room for another love besides that which had been bound. It was the next step beyond marriage, a way to ensure that both parties never strayed from each other. A connection beyond that on paper. 

I thought I would never need to experience the magic’s side effects for I had rid myself of the necessity of a romantic relationship. Yet I could not account for Li Wai’s appearance, the one man from my past that I had sworn to forget. Just seeing him in front of me brought back memories of when we were young. Hearing him talk reminded me of what could have been.

But those feelings had to be suppressed. I clutched a fist to my chest, my lips pursing in determination. I had not come this far just to be defeated by a mere fleeting emotion, a remnant of my past. There were so many pressing affairs I had to deal with, so many changes I wished to bring about as the Empress Dowager. I would not sacrifice all that just for a possible relationship with a man whose character and motives could have changed over the years. That would be utter foolishness.

I could kill people, so killing my emotions was nothing in comparison. 

A soft rap interrupted my thoughts, causing my head to jerk towards the entrance of the small room. Crossing over to the wooden door in a few steps, I gently opened it a crack. Half of Li Wai’s face was visible through the sliver of an opening, shadows cast upon it by the dark corridor. Upon seeing me, he made to bow in deference. “Emp-“

My brows lifting, I gave a small shake of my head. Understanding my silent order, his lips pressed shut as he straightened. His voice low, he kept his head bent, the Tufan hat he lent from the villager almost slipping off. “We need to leave now. They will not be far behind.”

Looking him over, I whispered, “How about your wounds?”

“I have healed enough, Emp-“ Li Wai stopped himself again from addressing me formally. “It is dawn and I fear more men will be on the way. We need to get a head start.”

I hesitated for a split second before giving an abrupt nod. “I’ll be outside shortly.”

Closing the door, I hurriedly gathered the few belongings I had – an extra coat and pair of boots from the villager’s wife – and wrapped it firmly inside the cloth satchel, tying it with a quick knot. The satchel draped across my back, I turned towards the entrance when the glimmer of reflected sunlight caught my eye. Turning my head sideways, my gaze fell upon the small ankle bracelet on the side of the table.

It was the only object I still kept that belonged to my past. A gift from my father. 

My fingers reached out, brushing the peach that dangled from it. 

But maybe it was time to throw it away. It was an impractical accessory, even more so given the situation I was in.

My heart and mind at war against each other, the hard knock on the door startled me, a sharp gasp leaving my lips.

“Are you ready?” I heard Li Wai’s gruff voice mumble urgently.

Taking one last look at the ankle bracelet, I called out.

“Yes.”

 

Despite the sense of urgency, I couldn’t just leave without showing my gratitude to my rescuers. Stopping at the front door, the elderly villager greeted us with a toothy smile, his eyes almost sealed shut with age. 

“Leaving already?” he asked, his voice soft.

“Yes we must go.” Taking his wrinkly, large hands in mine, I smiled. “Thank you for accommodating us.”

A light shake of his head given, the man covered my hands with his. “It is of no trouble to us. My wife has packed some food for you… for the long journey ahead.”

As if on cue, the man’s spouse exited the kitchen with a small cloth satchel, gently padding over. Holding it out to me, she said, “It’s not much but hopefully this will ease your hunger for some time.”

My mouth opening to protest this kind gesture, the man harrumphed, his brows knitting. I pressed my lips shut, complying with his wishes, and accepted the food with two hands. It was a light bundle, probably a few steamed buns and dried meat in it. But it added up to a couple of meals for the old couple, a novelty when food was so scarce. 

Pressing the satchel close to my chest, I thanked them again, wishing that I could give more than grateful words to the couple instead. Yet in a cruel twist of irony, the war I was waging with their country was doing them more harm than good. 

Such was the harshness of life. I could not help or care for every single person, a balance had to be struck.

“We must go now.” Li Wai’s voice broke into my thoughts. 

Nodding, I bid farewell to the elderly couple and moved towards the door, a step behind Li Wai. As he neared the entrance, the sound of footfalls from outside caused him to freeze. Holding up a finger, his other hand dropped to his sword. With deliberate movement, he unsheathed it from the scabbard, barely making a sound. 

Behind him, I motioned to the couple to remain silent. The man held his wife close to his body, his expression fraught with anxiety and fear. Holding my breath, I heard the footfalls stop outside the door. Li Wai raised his sword, preparing to strike. 

Time seemed to slow down as the loud creaking of the wooden door amplified the tension. Rays of light streamed into the hut, contrasting against the murderous atmosphere. My heart beat frantically in my chest, all attention focused on the growing shadow of the approaching person.

A foot stepped over the threshold of the hut…

A small foot. 

Almost swinging his sword down, Li Wai stopped his motion barely inches away from the small girl’s head that popped out into the corridor. Seeing the glint of the sword and the deadly glare of an unknown man in front of her, the girl’s eyes widened. Her lips trembling, she broke into a wail, tears falling down her cheeks.

The elderly couple rushed out from the shadows, scooping the girl up into their arms as they tried unsuccessfully to hush her. Peeking out, Li Wai ascertained there was no other people around before returning his sword to its position on his hips. The girl’s cries ringing out in the still silence of the breaking dawn, Li Wai shot her a glare. 

“She’s going to wake the whole village,” he hissed behind clenched teeth. “We should hurry.”

My eyes darting outside and then back to the small child, I nodded. “One moment.”

Bending down, I hitched my coat up to my ankle, exposing the little peach bracelet. With a small snap, it was unfastened, dangling loosely in my hand. In front of me, the villager was making funny faces in an attempt to make the girl stop crying, his wife rubbing the child’s back rhythmically. But the shock must have been too much for the little one, her tears still making its way down her pink cheeks.

I stepped forward, whispering a soft apology to the old man for scaring the girl, whom I believed was his granddaughter. Acknowledging with a weary smile, he continued his antics, though the girl’s cries failed to subside. Now at eye-level with the child, I held out the bracelet, making sure the light caught the small peach that dangled from it.

Her gaze pulled towards the item, she stared at it, her mouth opening slightly in awe at the pretty ornament. The tears halted, her voice catching in her throat as she hiccupped. She reached a hand towards the bracelet, wanting to touch it, the frightening experience now pushed to the back of her mind and forgotten.

Smiling, I patted her head and placed the bracelet into her small outstretched hand. “This is for you. Take good care of it, alright?”

The girl nodded enthusiastically, a soft, wobbly ‘thank you’ spilling from her lips. Holding it carefully, she toyed with the little peach, her expression brightening into childish joy. 

Pleased with how she was receiving my little gift, I nodded to the villager and his wife, indicating that I would now take my leave. Their smiles broad, they waved a silent farewell. Following Li Wai out of the hut, I took one last look back at the hut. 

It might not have been much but I found comfort thinking that perhaps the small trinket I possessed from my past would help them in whatever small way it could. In a way, I was passing down my father’s gift to the little girl, a part of the old me.

Each step down this path, I lost bits of myself. Would anything be left once I attained my goal… I wondered.

 

Silence pervaded the better part of the long journey by horseback. The village was now nothing but a speck in the distance, though I turned back to see whether there were any pursuers. My eyes scanning the horizon, I could not see any disturbance. No stirring of dust, or the pounding of hooves to signal approaching men.

Satisfied that we were safe for the time being, I brought my focus back to the front. The path ahead was bumpy but well-traveled by merchants, the soil trampled by hooves and feet alike. If any sign of enemies were to appear, the forests on either side offered ample cover as well. 

So far, the journey had been smooth, giving me time to sort matters out in my mind. Replaying all the events that had occurred the past few days, there were holes in the picture that I painted, connections that just hung in the air. Li Wai had not spoken since we left, owing to the fact that I had not started conversation. But I had questions that needed answering now.

I rolled the first one off my tongue. “Who placed you in the unit together with Ge Tuo?” 

“That was Minister He Wen, Empress.”

He Wen. An image of the young, ambitious minister drifted to mind. Cunning was the first word that I would associate with him, his tactics brilliant but ruthless. I had always been wary of the man. He could prove to either be a great ally or an enemy force to be reckoned with. 

“What did Prime Minister Lu Bei have to say about that?” I asked tentatively.

Li Wai turned his head sideways, his gaze not quite meeting mine. “Prime Minister Lu Bei initially suggested that no negotiations be made with the Tufan. When Minister He Wen suggested that a task force be sent, he agreed and hand-picked a few men.”

He paused before resuming, “But Minister He Wen sneaked in a few bribes and I was discreetly assigned to the unit without Prime Minister Lu Bei’s knowledge. My assignment was to bring you back safely… no matter the cost.”

I dipped my head in acknowledgement, letting Li Wai return his gaze to the front. Processing this new information, my lips widened in a smirk. He Wen had staked his bets on me, choosing to rebel against that snake of a Prime Minister. With one ally on my side, it would make my return to the palace smoother and knowing the cunning man, I could count on him to garner support for me.

That did not make my journey back less perilous though. Realizing that I had not yet ascertained our next destination, I probed Li Wai. “What course are we taking to get back?”

His index finger pointing to the rolling fields beneath the mountainous horizon, Li Wai motioned with his head. “There’s a village there where Minister He Wen’s spy lives. If Empress does not mind, we will spend a night there before leaving towards the plains and cutting across the border at one of the towns.”

Humming in assent, I settled back, leaning away from Li Wai. It would take another hour or so before we would reach our destination. Enough time for me to line out my plan to reclaim my throne… and decide the punishments to mete out to those who dared stand against me.

There would be hell on earth upon my return… mark my words.

 

A shifty glance tossed behind his back, General Na Yile surveyed the courtyard before crossing over to join the stoic, young man shrouded in the shadows of the large pavilion. As he drew closer, the man turned away and walked swiftly down the outside corridor. Muttering irritably under his breath, Yile picked up his pace, falling into step with him.

“He Wen, did you really need to do that?” he growled.

The corner of He Wen’s lips pulled upwards. “I apologize. I was in a rush. It took me a while to escape the house arrest that Lu Bei subjected us to.”

“I’ll say.” Rubbing the back of his head with a hand, Yile let out an exasperated sigh. “It took quite the effort and money to give the guards a slip. This secret meeting had better be worth it.”

He Wen’s smile dropping, his expression turned serious as he regarded his old friend. “Indeed it is. It concerns the nation’s wellbeing and this time could not be more crucial.”

Glancing around, his voice dropped an octave. “With the Empress Dowager being kidnapped, the Forbidden Palace has been thrown into chaos. Lu Bei is obviously putting his stake to the throne, since there has been no obvious heir. That can’t happen.”

Yile nodded sharply, grimacing as he imagined how life would be under the power-hungry Lu Bei.

He Wen paused, his sharp eyes studying the more rugged-looking man. “Though the Empress returning back safe and sound is the best possible scenario, we need to prepare for the worst.”

Raising an eyebrow, Yile silently prompted him to continue.

“We need to elect a suitable candidate to become the stand-in Emperor. Someone that we can all agree to support and who will lead the nation to a better future.”

It took a few short seconds for Yile to grasp what his friend was hinting at, stopping him in his tracks. He Wen’s sole footsteps echoed a while longer in the long corridor before pausing. The man turned back towards Yile, his face set in utter seriousness.

“He Wen… “ Yile uttered cautiously. “Are you intending-“

“It’s just a precaution.” He Wen cut him off as he closed the distance between them. “To be honest, I’m not a match for the Empress’s brilliance, cunning, and ruthlessness.”

Snorting softly in disagreement, Yile shook his head. “That’s hard to believe, what with this… thing you’re trying to pull off now.”

Coming to a stop in front of him, He Wen gave a dismissive wave of his hand. “Trust me, that’s nothing in comparison with what the Empress has done. Besides, I’m fairly assured of her safe return to the Forbidden Palace.”

A brow raised perplexedly in response, Yile frowned. “Why?”

“I snuck in one of my men into the unit sent to rescue her.”

Yile’s eyes widened, his jaw dropping. “You’re trusting _one_ man to bring her back? One?”

He Wen’s resolute expression did not waver. “If anyone can do it, it is him. I have faith in him… in the both of them.”

His friend’s risky gambles never ceased to amaze Yile. With thousands of things that could go potentially wrong, he could still be so sure of himself. Yet it was that confidence that Yile both admired and envied. A quality that gained He Wen so many supporters and made him a strong power within the realms of the kingdom. Sighing in resignation, he pressed his fingers to his forehead, feeling an incoming headache with his decision. “Fine,” he drawled out.

A wide grin drawing across He Wen’s lips, he slapped Yile’s back amicably. “Good, good. Now let’s join the rest of the men. We need to start planning to make sure the Empress’s return is paved smoothly.”

“You mean undermining Lu Bei.”

“I’m sure the Empress has her own thoughts about that too,” He Wen replied lightly.

His voice etched with concern, Yile added, “Yes and so will Lu Bei.”

“Indeed. So will he.”


	5. Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](http://listenonrepeat.com/?v=LraJUN9FEtk#20__Love_Attraction_-_Mulan_Soundtrack))**

Crickets were already playing their nightly melody by the time we reached the little village set between the dip of two mountains. In my mind, all the minute details of my plan to reclaim power had been laid out and pored over, nothing left to chance. With little left to do that could be accomplished riding on the back of a horse, I turned my attention to the surroundings. 

The scene painted in front of me was a refreshing change from dark, insidious plots. The sun’s slow descent below the horizon casting a reddish tint on the swaying stalks of barley in the fields, it brought back warm memories from my childhood. Serenity, simplicity… something I wasn’t used to seeing behind the walls of the Forbidden Palace.

On a whim, I told Li Wai to halt. As he pulled back gently on the reins, I swung my leg over and jumped to the ground. Landing with a light thump, I stretched my arms, wriggling my legs as I did to get rid of the slight numbness in the muscles. 

As Li Wai watched quietly, I made my way towards the barley field. Holding out an arm and running it through the golden colored stalks, the familiar feeling of strings plucking against my palms tickled my senses. A reminiscent smile dancing on my lips, I walked faster, letting the stalks flow continuously until it became a blur in my vision, the golden barley mixing with the red sunset a beautiful blend of colors.

On the main road, Li Wai kept up with my pace, having dismounted from the horse as well. The clip-clop of the mare’s hooves on the dirt path setting a nice rhythm, I hummed an old harvesting tune under my breath. It was something my mother had taught me when we were out in the fields, its melody simple but haunting. 

Too engrossed in my own thoughts, I almost failed to notice movement disturbing the stalks of barley, jumping backwards as a tall figure dressed in the Tufan peasant garb stepped out a few feet in front of me. Holding a sickle in hand with a basket of harvested barley on their back, the figure turned towards me, a large straw hat obscuring their face.

In a flash, Li Wai had stepped in front, his hand resting on the hilt of his sword. As the figure slowly raised their head, he tensed in preparation for a fight.

“Li Wai?”

An eyebrow raised, I peered over his shoulder, seeing a pair of brown eyes under the straw hat shine in excitement. 

“It’s you, right?” A hand removing the hat to reveal long brown hair tied in a bun, the young Tufan woman was all smiles, pearly white teeth exposed to the maximum.

My eyes shifting to Li Wai, I saw him relax his hold on the sword, his hand dropping to his sides. 

“Han Ge,” he greeted shortly before being enveloped in a tight hug by the woman, his breath coming out in a harsh wheeze.

Amused, I watched them exchange pleasantries or rather, barbed jabs in Li Wai’s case. I took it that this woman was our contact spy, quite surprising given the fact that women were not allowed in the military. But since my reign as Empress Dowager, I had been constantly elevating the status of women, be it in terms of culture, art, or politics. Perhaps my campaign had paid off, influencing other officials and generals to adopt the same philosophy as me. 

A thin smile of satisfaction on my face, I tucked my hands into the pockets of my coat. My eyes wandered around, catching sight of another peasant man stepping out of the fields ahead of us. Seeing him, Li Wai raised a hand in acknowledgement. Probably another of our spies.

As the other man headed our way, the woman finally took notice of me. Her index finger extended at me, her eyes gleamed mischievously. “Ah, Li Wai, is that your woman?”

Li Wai took a step back, turning towards me, his eyes wide in apprehension, fearing my reaction to the audacious statement. The other spy, a brown-haired man, had just stopped beside the woman Han Ge’s side when he heard her words. His mouth dropped open upon seeing me, recognition in his eyes. 

Tickled as I was by the awkward situation, I maintained a straight face. Li Wai’s lips parted, ready to admonish Han Ge, when her companion harshly whispered to her, “That’s the Empress Dowager!”

Han Ge’s smile fell and the two spies hurriedly bent down. As they did, I noticed several other peasants on the road, curiously looking on, attracted by the ruckus. Hurriedly, I raised my hand, speaking in a low tone so that only Han Ge and the man could hear. “Stop. Don’t attract any attention and treat me like a normal person. This is an order.”

The two spies halted in their movement. Han Ge’s brown eyes met mine and she whispered softly, “Please forgive my rude actions then.” 

When I nodded in acknowledgement, the woman stood up with a guffaw and stepped closer to me. Her hand wrapped around my shoulder, surprising me as my body froze, unused to such intimate contact. Talking to me as if I were an old friend, she led me down the road. As we passed the two men, their shocked expressions almost made me chuckle. 

No one had ever dared to treat me as an equal since the Emperor had passed on. I sneaked a look at the woman named Han Ge. 

An intriguing woman, no doubt.

 

It was no surprise that Han Ge’s abode was as small as the previous elderly couple’s hut. Living together with Mu Buo Li Te, the brown-haired man, they eked out a living by trading horses and goats. Each time Li Te traveled to the nearest town with their finest breed of livestock, he would take the opportunity to exchange bits of information with the next spy. 

As fate would have it, he was headed up there the very next day. Since Li Wai and I were taking the longer but safer route to reach the Forbidden Palace, I entrusted Li Te with the letter I had written to He Wen. Enclosed in it were orders for the minister to follow, ensuring that he could pave my way back to the throne without any hiccups. I held no doubts in his ability to execute my orders.  All I had to do was reach there safely. 

At the thought of the long journey ahead, my hand clenched, trapping a fistful of hair as I absentmindedly continued brushing. The teeth of the small wooden comb poking sharply into my fist, I hissed in pain, flinging my hand away. With a loud clack, the comb slipped out of my fingers, dropping to the ground. As I bent down to pick it up, a knock on the door resounded in the small bedroom. 

A feminine voice spoke up. “Empress, do you require your humble servant’s assistance?”

The comb back in my hands, I called out, “Come in.”

Han Ge stepped into the room, her head bowed. I motioned her to come closer, holding out the comb in my hand. “Help me with my hair.”

“Yes, empress.” Accepting the wooden object with two hands, she immediately set to the task. One hand behind the long hair strands, she dragged the comb down gently until it reached the very tips. 

I watched her perform her job methodically, noticing her hesitance in dealing with small tangles that cropped up. Her hands were rough, her ability at doing such feminine tasks rusty. Only years of working the fields could have taken that away. My curiosity piqued again, I asked, “How long have you been in Tufan territory?”

“It’s been about… 7 years, Empress.”

In the dim light shed by the oil lamp, my eyes traced the wrinkles forming on her forehead. She could not be more than thirty years of age, yet the days of working under the searing sun had clearly taken its toll on her youth. Though her looks could be considered as leaning towards the masculine side, she still possessed some amount of natural beauty. Surely her prospects in life would not require her to resort to being a spy so far behind enemy lines.

“I’m curious, Han Ge. How were you forced into this profession?” I eyed her through the small, dusty mirror. “Obviously you didn’t choose it.”

She paused, the comb half-way down the length of my back. “I was…” Correcting herself, her voice fell by an octave. “..am a criminal, Empress. Minister He Wen… saw potential in me and trained me.”

The revelation stoking my curiosity rather than fear, I ventured another question. “What were you charged for?”

Her gaze lowered. “Fraud, Empress.” So soft were her words that I had to strain to hear.

“What did you do?” I pressed.

Han Ge’s lips pursed into a thin line, hesitating as she struggled for the words. “My father… came from a line of famous generals. But he fell into disgrace when he directly went against his commander’s orders and massacred a hundred prisoners. Poverty hit us hard and he tried everything he could think of to regain our family honor.”

She paused, inhaling a sharp breath before continuing. “When I was of age, he decided to match make me with the eldest son of a wealthy family. Not knowing that my family no longer held the same status as before, they agreed. After I became soulmates with their son, and my father reaped the rewards offered by the soulmate system… we took off.”

Her words were calm and measured, yet the bitterness that laced her tone was immediately evident to me. A ruthless father who cared not about his daughter’s happiness or wellbeing had sealed her fate. But the final element that clinched the deal had been the soulmate system that I myself had personally put into place. 

My brows creasing, a small wrinkle in Han Ge’s story nagged at me. I rubbed my forehead lightly with two fingers. “If you had not met that family’s son before… how were you able to obtain a soulmate mark? You could not possibly have fallen in love with him in that short time, did you?”

Her eyes widening quizzically, she frowned. “Empress… didn’t know-“

She cut herself off, opting not to test the waters, but getting straight to the facts. “There is a loophole in how the soulmate mark is bestowed, Empress.”

Taken by surprise, I raised an eyebrow. The soulmate process was mystical, its workings not understood by mere mortals like us. How it came to be was not known, assumed to be a gift from our gods. Materializing itself as a spiritual place that bound people who were in love with soulmate marks after a simple ritual, I had used it as a way to increase the societal status of women, enticing more men to remain loyal to one wife instead of taking several concubines.

But as I was finding out now, even such a supernatural process had its flaws. With a small flick of my hand, I replied, “Go ahead.”

Han Ge nodded. “Yes, Empress. It is said that when the couple has no prior feelings of any sort towards each other beforehand, like in the case of strangers, they can still be bound as soulmates. Even if they were to develop a distaste for their soulmate, the poison will not take effect. So their lives are not affected.”

The corner of my lips turning down, her words rolled around inside my head. With such a gaping loop hole, the possible scenarios in which it could be misused was… countless. The rippling consequences, the societal impact… just thinking about it caused my head to throb.

Two fingers pressed to my temple, I grimaced. My sleeves falling to my elbows, the glaring red ink of my own soulmate tattoo stared back tauntingly at me. Mocking my failure to rule over my subjects, mocking my failure to rule over my own emotions.

A light gasp dragged my gaze back to Han Ge. One hand over her mouth, her eyes were wide as she took in the green veins that snaked down the length of my arm.

“Empress… are you-“

“Stop.” My sharp tone sliced through her words, bringing her to her knees as she quickly bowed, begging for forgiveness.

“You are not to breathe a word of this to any soul, you understand?” 

Han Ge’s forehead still pressed to the floor, she hurriedly replied, “Yes, Empress. Your humble subject will take this secret to the grave.”

Satisfied, I raised my hand, palm up. “You may rise.”

“Yes, Empress.” She got up, her head bowed, not daring to look me in the eye.

Studying the woman beside me, I acknowledged the qualities she possessed – strong, capable, deductive, and loyal. Minister He Wen must have seen that in her, utilizing her skills behind enemy lines. Though it was hard for me to admit, there were many issues and circumstances that I could not foresee from within the walls of the Forbidden Palace. But outside knowledge from commoners gave valuable insights into how policies took effect on the ground. And based on what I had heard from Han Ge, she seemed to be very well-informed.

“Han Ge,” I said after a brief moment. “What do you know about the poison that flows through my veins? I take it you know more about the soulmate tattoo than me, so tell me. Is there a way to reverse this?”

Slowly, Han Ge lifted her head, matching my steady gaze with her own. Her lips set in a grim line, a hand shifted to her shoulder, pulling the fabric of her night gown down. The stark contrast of green lines amidst small red scars against her bare skin stood out immediately. 

My eyes widening, I felt a stab of sympathy for the woman. We shared the same plight, yet her condition was far more severe than mine. Judging by the degree that the poison had spread, I could only speculate as to the damage that had been done to her body.

“I’ve tried many things but nothing worked.” Grimacing, she shrugged the night gown back over her shoulder. “It’s non-reversible, Empress.”

“How…” My voice trailed off, the pieces of the puzzle falling into place in my mind. Frowning, I thumbed my chin. “Couldn’t you get assigned to a different location apart from Li Te?”

The woman’s brows lifted in surprise at my quick deduction. “I… I guess I could.”

A small sheepish smile tugging at her lips, she rubbed the back of her head. “But I honestly don’t want to. We work well as a unit and… I would rather be with him than without.”

To say I was taken aback was putting it lightly. Did she not care about her job? Her life? So many questions were at the tip of my tongue but I could only utter a single “Why?”  

Han Ge tapped a finger on her cheek as she contemplated my question. “Why… I don’t know why actually. Because of him, this poison,” She gripped her arm. “is slowly killing me. My inner organs are failing, impacting my ability to carry out my work.”

She paused. “But without him, I would not have the energy to live through each day. Without him… my life would not be complete.” A short chuckle escaped her lips. “Maybe I’m crazy.”

I stared wide-eyed at Han Ge, perplexed at how such a level-headed woman could have an unreasonable side to her. The concept of literally dying for love was foreign to me. It was crazy indeed. Yet something about what she said resonated with me. A small voice in my heart niggled at me like a constant reminder, something that I instantly subdued. Biting my lips, I tried to shake off the unsettling feeling. 

A side glance reminding me of Han Ge’s presence in the room, I nodded sharply and gave a slight wave of my hand. “I understand. You may leave now.”

“Yes, Empress.” She bowed, retreating backwards until she closed the door quietly behind her.

I exhaled a long held breath. This vulnerable, unsteady side of me was not something I wanted anyone to see. Retiring to the single, tiny bed located in the far corner, a short huff snuffed out the flame from the lamp hanging on the wall, drenching the room in solid darkness. Not a glimmer of moonlight was to be seen, the clouds having blocked it out.

As I lay prone on the hard surface, my thoughts strayed back to my conversation with Han Ge. Her earlier words replaying in my mind, I could not help but think of one person. No sooner did he come to mind than the sharp prick of pain in my wrist caused me to wince. Hugging my wrist to my abdomen, I clamped down on my lips, forcing thoughts of him to fade away. 

But why was it that when that pain abated, the ache in my heart only increased?


	6. Youth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=CfTPH5SvpIY#Kenji_Kawai_-_Ip_Man_2_-_OST_21))**

_Invasive. Wrinkled hands._

A rumble shook the ground, the heavens unleashing its wrath on the world. 

_Empty. Chilled breath._

The night was surprisingly warm even with the onslaught of the thunderstorm. Yet my body trembled, hands cupping the warm pot of tea I had brewed for myself. 

I hated this, this weakness of mine. The flashes of lightning that illuminated the night sky and the little table in front of me only made it slightly more bearable. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, my gaze fixed on the opposite wall, I reminded myself that there was nothing left to fear.

But another roar from outside immediately sent goosebumps down my arms. My heart pumping furiously, it was as if my body refused to let me forget what had happened all those years ago. I ran my hands up and down the length of my arms, trying to get rid of that repulsive sensation of long, wrinkled fingers touching my skin.

Had the late Empress felt this way as well? Or all those other concubines, for that matter? Did they feel that their youth and innocence was worth sacrificing for the sake of sating their lust for power? Or had regret slowly nibbled away at their soul for each act of malice they had to participate in?

With so many factions within the Forbidden Palace, each of them with their own agenda, it was impossible to survive without performing some misdeed. Those who could not play the game of betrayal, deceit, and murder very quickly lost their lives. 

_There is only dead and not dead. So live each day without looking back at the past._

My hands quivered as the late Emperor’s words echoed in my ears, the tea almost spilling from the cup as I poured myself more of the steaming hot liquid. Putting the pot down, I took a sip, letting the warmth seep through my veins and ease my heart.

As much as I detested the man who roughly stole my purity, his words ironically became one of my guiding principles until now. He was right after all. In the Palace, it didn’t matter whether you were born rich or poor. Everyone had a part to play in the battle for power and only those who could play their cards right – with a pinch of luck and fortune – would be able to succeed.

And I had almost failed when my plan to sabotage the late Empress had been revealed. Thrown into the Cold Palace, it was only by a stroke of luck that I had met the Crown Prince. Had I not taken the opportunity, I would have been long dead.

Shivering as the warm liquid coursed through my body, I sighed at the small relief it provided. I brought my legs up to my chest, resting a hand on a knee. The baggy sleeve dropping down to my elbow, I noted the darker red tint to the dragon mark. Thinking back, I wondered whether it had been such a good idea to get myself tethered to the Crown Prince after all.

At the time, it seemed like the best course of action to ensure that the Crown Prince’s affections for me never wavered. Besides, I did hold some amount of feelings towards him and the thought of other romances forming never entered the equation. But now… all that had changed. 

With the Crown Prince already dead – not due to my doings this time but nature’s due course – and the appearance of Li Wai, it was hard for my heart not to waver. After all, he was the one man who had been a constant source of support during my younger years. If not for Li Wai, I would have been long dead. If not for him, I would have lost my mind wandering from one village to village with no purpose, like a broken doll. It was only natural to retain some emotional attachment to the man… wasn’t it? 

A sharp sting in my arm reminded me otherwise. I leant back against the mud wall with a sigh, my eyes drooping as the day’s events took a toll on my body again. Refusing to address the burning reason behind the slow poisoning of my body was not a solution; that I knew. But I was in a quandary. 

I was used to dealing with difficult political affairs, complex alliances and relations…. but never had I faced a problem of the heart before. The best way I knew how to deal with it was to lock my feelings away and that was what I had been doing the past few days. Until now, it had seemed like the only other way. That is until my little talk with Han Ge.

She was like me – strong, intelligent, a survivor. Yet she had chosen such a preposterous way to handle the poison that was slowly crippling her. Just live with it and enjoy being with the one you love while you lose everything including your very own life?  I huffed in contempt, my hands falling to rest on my lap. How was that solution any better…  

My consciousness slowly fading, I struggled to maintain my train of thought. But the lull of sleep was too overpowering, pulling me into its warm embrace. As my bodily functions drifted into a state of serene stillness, one last question echoed in my mind.

_Why then was I so envious of her?_

 

_Rooooom!_

The loud rolling thunder instantly sent a jolt through my body, startling me painfully awake. My eyes shot open just as a flash of lightning illuminated a person standing in front of me. I cried out in terror, my arms flailing out as I scrambled to get away.

“Empress!” The person bent down on one knee, waving a hand to calm me down. “It’s your humble subject, Li Wai.”

Stopping in mid-motion when I heard the name, I heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh.”

“I’m terribly sorry to have frightened you, Empress. I just wanted to cover you with a blanket.” He held up the thick woolen material in his hands to show me.

My heartbeat slowly returning to normal, I righted myself into an upright sitting position. “That’s alright, thank you.”

Upon receiving my consent, Li Wai gently placed the blanket around my shoulders, ensuring it covered my full body. The warmth of the soft wool was comforting, prompting a small smile to flit across my face.

“Does Empress require my help to be escorted back to the room?”

Fully awake now, I looked out the window. Flashes of light lit up the sky, illuminating the torrent of rain that continued to drench the fields. There was no way I could sleep comfortably with this ongoing thunderstorm.

Shaking my head, I replied, “No it’s alrigh-“

Cut off by another roar from the skies, I pressed the heel of my palms to my ears, shuddering as the sound reverberated through the walls of the hut. When was this agony going to end??

Li Wai’s soft voice broke through the veil of my anxiety. “Empress, should I accompany you here instead?”

My hands lowering, I glanced up at him. His brows were knitted together, lips downturned as he regarded me with concern. Though my heart desperately wanted him to stay, there was no way I could-

A louder crack of thunder sent my nerves on overdrive, tears springing to my eyes as I lost my composure. Nodding vigorously, I brought my knees up to my chest, curling up into a ball.

“Thank you, Empress,” he complied, taking a seat beside me.

I rocked to and fro on the balls of my feet, trying to calm the knots of tension that continued to build in the pits of my stomach. Lost in my own world, a soft touch on my shoulder sent an electric shock through my body. Instinctively, my body jerked away and it was only a second later that I remembered who was beside me.

Turning my head to look at him, I could see the hurt that was etched in his face. Wanting to assure him that it wasn’t his fault, I relaxed my posture, releasing the tight grip on my knees. I exhaled softly, trying to dispel my inner demons. “I didn’t mean to react that way. It’s just… bad memories. You get it.”

Li Wai nodded slowly, his hand retracting as he lowered his gaze. We sat in silence, the only sound coming from the rain drumming on the roof outside. The treacherous thunder was quiet too and my racing heartbeat slowly returned to normal.

“I’m sorry.”

It was so soft an apology that I could have easily mistaken it for the whispers of the wind. Frowning, I arched an eyebrow as I looked at him. “What?”

His gaze still stuck to the ground, he bit his bottom lip. “If… I had chosen to enter the Forbidden Palace together with you… maybe… all this wouldn’t have happened.”

My expression softened. The marks of guilt imprinted on his face and the regret that laced his tone was plain to see. Unlike me who had thrown away my past and not regretted my decisions, he had always lived with the burden of letting me go that day. How hard must it have been for him to hear about my undertakings in the Forbidden Palace day after day? 

Gulping down the urge to reach out to him, I tore my eyes away from his person, focusing instead on the cold pot of tea that was still resting on the table. It wasn’t his fault that we became what we were today.

My tone was soft when I replied but my words, firm. “Don’t be silly. It would still have happened anyway.”

“Why? Is… revenge that important to you?”

I sucked in a breath, old faded memories from a time long past invading my senses before I expertly shut them down. 

“Of course not,” I scoffed. “I’m not the naïve fourteen-year old I once was. Revenge was far too narrow-minded a goal to have.”

“No, what I desire..” Pausing, my fingers curled tightly into balls. “…is to bring good life to the people of my land.”

“And that implies neutralizing the Tufan threat,” I finished decisively.

“So…. the war continues.” It was more a statement than a question by Li Wai, his voice resigned and tired.

My lips pressed into a thin line, the truth of the matter being that I too was tired of war. The amount of time, resources, and manpower expended into such a sinkhole could be redirected into improving so many other important facets of the country and its people. Yet ignoring the direct threat of the Tufan invasion was impossible.

“The Tufan leader is not one to be reasoned with,” I explained. “Our negotiations with him have always fallen through for he has only one thing on his mind – power. And if that shall be the case, we will never let him have our land or our people.”

Li Wai remained silent, his head bowed in thought. “What about the rumor that Han Ge mentioned during dinner?” he spoke after a brief moment. “The Tufan leader’s illegitimate son Zhike Yage?”

His words gave me pause. Indeed it was an incredible revelation… if the rumors were true that Zhike was the mastermind behind my kidnapping. The entire operation itself was certainly beyond the simple-minded Tufan leader who was incapable of handling such an intricate, complex deal. Zhike, the main Tufan strategist and commander, was probably the only man who could pull it off.

But that only went to show how conniving and masterful he was. Whether he did such a thing as a way to resolve the war with as little bloodshed as possible… or as a way to collude with Prime Minister Lu Bei and establish a shaky trade deal….

Remembering that Li Wai was waiting on me to answer, I stiffened. “That is outside of your duty and responsibility to know.”

He immediately prostrated himself before me, his palms against the floor. “I’m sorry, Empress. Of course Empress would know what is best for our beloved nation.”

Waving a hand in acceptance, I willed him to sit as per normal. “That is fine-“

A loud crash followed by an ear-jarring boom shook the mud house to its core. My hands shot up to cup my ears as my body shook involuntarily.

“When is this ever going to stop??” I cried between gritted teeth, the pain of having that sense of insecurity creeping up on me washing over my body in waves. Mumbling to myself, I almost forgot the presence of Li Wai beside me until a nostalgic melody broke through the din outside.

月儿明，风儿静 (The moon is bright, the wind is quiet)

I stopped rocking back and forth, concentrating on Li Wai’s voice.

树叶遮窗棂。(The tree leaves hang over the window)

Opening my eyes slowly, I sneaked a look over at him. He kept his hands to himself this time after my initial rejection of any physical contact. But the look of concern in his eyes showed, the lines in his forehead even more prominent as his lips formed the words of the old peasant lullaby.

小宝宝，快睡觉，(My little baby, go to sleep quickly.)

I remembered this now. It was what he used to sing to me all those years ago when we were but little kids. In times of sickness or sorrow, he would hum the simple melody over and over until I had tired of crying. Just hearing it now made my body tingle with a glowing warmth that I had not felt since years past.

睡在那个梦中。(Sleep dreaming sweet dreams.)

My eyelids drooping as his voice gently caressed my soul to sleep, Li Wai’s visage blurred, replaced by a younger version of the stoic man. A small smile flitted across my lips at the sight of him before everything turned to black.

_If only sweet dreams were more than dreams… Li Wai._

 

It was a good sign from the Gods that the morning brought ample sunshine and nary a drop of rain left from the thunderstorm of the night before. After a full breakfast, we were saddled up promptly on Han Ge’s best horses – we didn’t have to share one now, thus lending us the speed we needed to get back as soon as possible.

The lady wasted no time in offering Li Wai a bear hug which earned her a torrent of complaints, much to my amusement. Before we left, I promised to send her some material comfort once I was reinstated. But she vehemently refused any such thing that might compromise her position as a spy. A little uncomfortable that there wasn’t much else I could do for her, I simply offered her my highest gratitude and thanks which she received with the warmest smile.

And with that, we were off on our journey back to the Forbidden Palace. The road was much smoother than before, the mountains giving way to the more vast grasslands. Though the night before had been grueling, the result of the downpour was simply refreshing. The moist dew of the grass coupled with the sweet breeze that whipped through the air filled my lungs with a sense of euphoria.

Maybe it was the atmosphere, or the beautiful rolling landscapes, or the knowledge that I was going to be back in my homeland… or just maybe the fact that I had never felt this free and alive… but something prompted me to say, “Let’s race.”

Li Wai looked at me, dumb-struck. “I’m sorry, Empress. I didn’t catch that.”

An impish grin growing, I tugged on the reins of my brown steed. “I’m saying, let’s race. It’s been a while since my last hunting trip with the late Emperor, so I’m probably rusty.”

“But-“

“Are you disobeying me?” I teased, raising my eyebrow deliberately.

“Of course not, Empre-“

“Finish point is that tree over there.” I pointed to a single, short oak in the distance. “The loser needs to do everything the winner asks. Get ready, go!” 

Not waiting to hear what he said, I sped off immediately. Bending low so that my body was close to my horse, I felt the rush of the air against my skin. The tree loomed closer with every passing second until it was right in front of my nose. Pulling hard against the reins, I held the mare steady, my heart pounding in my chest as I recovered from the rush of adrenaline.

Li Wai was a ways behind, reaching me seconds later. Coming to a stop beside me, he broke into a smile. “Empress is as good as always. I couldn’t catch up at all.”

“That’s a lie,” I countered, my brows furrowing. Bringing my horse side-by-side with his, I drew closer to him, making sure that my breath hit him in his face. “I want a race, Li Wai.”

“A. Real. Race.” Enunciating the words slowly, I pulled back, satisfied to see a small flush on his face. 

“Now come on.” I tugged my horse away. “Give it all you’ve got or I’ll make sure that the last thing you see today is your own horse’s rump.”

Sneaking a glance sideways, I saw the corner of his lips curl upwards in a smirk. That was it. I grinned. The game was now on.

“New target is that cliff,” I said, jerking my head towards the horizon. “On your mark…”

Seeing Li Wai’s eyes narrow as he focused his gaze on the distant goal, I followed suit. 

“Get set… Go!!”

Our horses launched into motion instantaneously, their hooves thundering against the earth as we sped across the flat plain. In the corner of my eye, I saw Li Wai inch farther out of my vision, overtaking me on his black steed. Refusing to give up the fight, I crouched down farther until I could feel the ripples of my horse’s muscles.

With my slight urging, I regained the ground I lost but Li Wai was not backing down so easily either. He brought his horse neck-to-neck with mine again, a glance thrown at me before he was carried on ahead. The cliff barely yards out now, I sped up again. 

“Hyah!” Shouting, I coaxed more speed out of my horse with a slight flick of the reins. The wind whipped against my face, its warm touch fueling my drive even more. 

The gap closed faster between me and Li Wai until finally, he was out of my peripheral vision just as I reached the cliff. A surge of triumph shot through me, having beaten the very person who had taught me how to ride. Pulling back on the reins, I slowed my horse down to a trot and turned back proudly to face him.

Li Wai reached me a split second later, his face colored from the physical exertion. As he pulled to a gradual stop beside me, I leaned forward, giving him a playful smirk. “Now who’s the loser?”

He shook his head, a knowing grin on his lips. His hand reaching out to gently pat my head, he retorted, “Don’t be such a brat now.”

The words were barely out from his mouth when he realized who he was talking to. Hurriedly retracting his hand, he bowed. “I’m so sorry, Empress. Your humble subject did not mean to say that.”

“It’s alright, Li Wai. It was just the spur of the moment,” I coughed out as I clicked my heels against my horse’s side, spurring it forward slightly. My back facing Li Wai, I did not let him see the slight tinge of red that tinted my cheeks at his touch. 

Trying to soothe the pounding of my heart that had nothing to do with adrenaline, I looked out over the cliff. The sight of a bustling small town greeting me, a small smile spread across my face.

“We are almost home.”

 

Cutlery and porcelain dishes were smashed all over the floor, the sounds of furniture turned upside down still continuing as the man decked in a golden robe yelled in frustration. 

“She’s on her way back here! What in heavens name is that bastard Zhike doing about it??!”

Prime Minister Lu Bei threw another plate at the wall, his chest heaving as the robe that hugged his portly body sagged. He spun around, facing the kneeling spy who had just delivered the report that spoilt his entire mood.

“You!” he spat, wagging a finger at the man. “Assemble your best team and hunt her down!”

“Yes, Prime Minister.” The stoic, burly spy bowed his head in acknowledgement. “What if Zhike were to stand in the way?”

Lu Bei brought a fist crashing down on the overturned table. “Anyone gets in your way, you kill them. Understand?!”

“Understood.”

Dismissing the spy with a wave of his hand, Lu Bei paced the length of the room. All his effort and meticulous planning for months leading to this day and now, they all threatened to crumble down on him. He was so close…. So close. 

His jaw trembling in barely contained fury, he stalked over to the chest of drawers that now lay on its side. From one of the ajar drawers, he retrieved a small scroll from its contents, unrolling it in one swift motion. 

His gaze searing over the black ink that detailed the agreement struck between him and the Tufan prince, he muttered the words to himself, “Lend aid to Zhike… only after the matter of the Empress Dowager is dealt with.”

Yet nothing in the agreement mentioned what were to happen if Zhike failed in getting rid of the Empress as planned. Placing the scroll down slowly, the gears in Lu Bei’s conniving mind clicked into action. 

“I let him deal with the Empress and he couldn’t even handle it.” He hissed under his breath. “I’ll make him pay, I swear.”

“Don’t you even think about becoming the Tufan leader, Zhike,” Lu Bei cursed, a short mirthless laugh erupting from his throat as he thought of the perfect way to renege on his agreement.

So engrossed was he in his scheming that he failed to notice the shadow that flitted across his door, a silent presence placed there by an even more ruthless adversary. An adversary who now bore valuable information and was not afraid to wield it. 

An adversary who stood on the side of the Empress Dowager.


	7. Conflict

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(AU Note: For maximum effect, listen to[this](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=1QcRAq8CtUo#Most_Emotional_Music%3A__I_Will_Find_You__by_Audiomachine))**

Descending the cliff proved to be a much more difficult journey than we expected, eating away what little sunlight time we had left. Thankfully, the bright lamps of the town shone like a beacon in the approaching darkness of the night. Eager to take shelter, we urged our horses along. The tired beasts broke into a fast trot until we reached the edge of the town, where we then dismounted.

It was a quaint little place bustling with activity, although not quite as much as what I was used to in the capital. Shops stretched down on both sides of the cobbled pathway, each of them brightly lit to show off their wares. Merchants called out to passersby, advertising their goods.

As we walked down the street, both of us had our eyes on different things. Li Wai was on the lookout for any soldiers and an inn for us to spend the night. I, on the other hand, was mesmerized by the unique variety of items on display. Vibrantly colored cloth, and uniquely shaped carvings pulled my gaze in every direction.

It seemed the town was in a festive mood too. Young kids played on the street with their lit lanterns while the adults dressed in fancy, colorful garb. A smile made its way across my face as I recalled not the stifling celebratory banquets in the palace, but the simple community events that my village used to do during festivals. It was something I always looked forward to as a kid – the food, the toys, the joyous mood.

Even now, the scent of tender meat dipped in traditional spices wafted temptingly through the air, coaxing a growl from my stomach. My eyes sought out the source of the aroma until it landed on a stall just a few feet ahead. Many people were already gathered around as they helped themselves to the succulent meat laid out in neat rows on a large dish. 

As we drew closer, the glint of something shiny drew my attention away from the food. I stopped at the store front, Li Wai following in step. The merchant’s smile grew wider at the sight of potential customers and he immediately stepped up to regale us about his wares. I didn’t listen to him, my attention fully on the small iron trinkets that decorated the display shelf. 

“How did you make this?” Cutting into his speech, I held up one of the trinkets at eye-level and scrutinized the detailed carvings. “Isn’t iron very rare?”

The merchant gave a knowing wag of his finger. “You’re one observant lady! Yes, indeed. But because of the recent trade deal with the Han-“

“There’s a trade deal?” I raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Oh you must not have heard yet but it seems the two nations are negotiating a peace treaty. A marriage to one of the Han princesses. Isn’t that great?” he replied with a wide grin.

Peace treaty? Lu Bei did?  

“That is great,” I murmured absent-mindedly as a thousand thoughts raced in my mind.

“Yeah so anyway the first convoy of goods were passing through here the other day and,” He leaned in and winked. “I snuck a bit of iron from there.”

Still deep in thought, I barely heard what he said but chuckled knowingly in response. 

“So did anything catch your eye, ma’am?” he asked.

I smiled and politely shook my head. “Maybe later we’ll come back this way.”

After the merchant bade us goodbye, we continued down the pathway with Li Wai in the lead. Blindly following him, I let myself be consumed by the questions nagging at the back of my mind. The news of a peace treaty was simply mind-blowing. How had he gotten that power hungry Tufan leader to agree to such a thing when even I couldn’t?

As my legs came to a halt, I looked up to see a big, bustling inn. Raucous laughter and what sounded like drunken singing spilled out from the establishment. Li Wai motioned with a hand for me to stay. I nodded and led both his horse and mine off to the side. While he entered the inn to arrange our lodgings, I leaned on the wall and sank in deep thought.  

Could it be that I had underestimated Lu Bei’s ability to rule the country? My brows creased. Yes, of course I held a grudge against him because of his under-handed and despicable methods. But could I really blame him? He was just doing what every other person in the palace was doing – including me. 

And now he had accomplished something that I only dreamt of doing. The truth of the matter was that it hurt. I had always held the belief that only I alone could bring about peace to my people. For years, my blood, sweat, and tears went into building a strong nation. And a strong nation, it was. 

But the biggest nagging issue had always been the Tufan. I had slowly chipped and chipped away at this enormous hurdle but now, single-handedly over the course of weeks, Lu Bei had exceeded me. He had achieved the goal that I had been striving to for years. I let out a frustrated sigh and crossed my arms over my chest. It pained me to even have the thought but… maybe it would be alright if Lu Bei was on the throne after all. 

But where did that leave me? The question rang in my head like a death knell, sending a chill down my spine.

“I’ve secured our lodgings for tonight.”

Li Wai’s voice jerked me out of my brooding thoughts. As he led the way to the back of the inn which housed the rooms and the stable for the horses, I followed along mutely, restlessness building inside of me. While Li Wai tied the horses alongside a few others, I stood off to the corner. 

My gaze trained on the row of rooms in front of me, I gulped down the rising anxiety. I could not bear to be cooped up in one of those tiny spaces the entire length of the night. Left alone to my musings, I feared the answer to my previously unanswered question. Then a brazen thought came to mind.

“I want to join in the festivities tonight,” I declared.

Li Wai fastened the last knot and turned towards me, his brows knotted. “There will be a lot of people around, Emp-“ He cut himself off, remembering not to drop any titles carelessly. “I’m afraid it would be too dangerous.”

“Nonsense.” I huffed with authority injected in my voice. “Everyone would be too focused on the events that they would hardly notice us. Besides, you will be there, protecting me.”

Knowing that there was no point in arguing the case with me, he gave a reluctant nod. “If that is what you so wish.”

 

It was probably the best decision I could have made. Never had I been out of the Forbidden Palace in the night and never for a festival. All my trips outside the walls of my prison was carefully timed to minimize exposure and potential danger to myself. 

But seeing the town lit up at night was an entirely different sight to behold. Unlike the perfectly designed and luscious interior of the palace, the warm yellow glow of the lanterns and candles painted the town in an authentic, cozy light. Combined with the lively mood of the townsfolk, I felt the burden on my heart slowly disappear, replaced by an engulfing warmth. 

It reminded me of home. My small, loving home. Where it was just me, my mother, and my father.

Standing a distance away from the large bonfire at the edge of town that looked out to the vast fields, I watched as children of all ages danced around the flames. Their movements in sync with the drum beats, the audience clapped along and sung the traditional tunes. 

I wasn’t familiar with the melody but my hands subconsciously drummed to the beat as my lips drew into a smile. These children were all so carefree and full of energy as they danced to their hearts content, much unlike their counterparts within the palace walls – all so uptight and disciplined as they were trained to succeed as the next heir or heiress. Watching them dance with abandon lightened my heart, as if I was once again a child with not a care in the world.

But all too soon, the music ended and the young ones bowed to roaring applause. Thinking it was all over, I turned away, ready to signal to Li Wai standing behind me that we should head back. Yet a small touch on my shoulder made me twist around. 

A hunched over elderly woman beamed at me through eyes that were almost sealed shut. “Come and join in our dance, lady,” she chirped. “Everyone here is dancing, even old me!”

Laughing, I waved my hand in polite rejection. “I’m sorry. I’m not from around here and I don’t quite know how to dan-“

“Oh no need to worry, dear.” The woman took a hold of my arm and pulled me towards the large crowd. I chuckled. For an old woman, she certainly had a lot of strength hidden in that small frame.

“The steps are easy. You’ll get a hang of it,” she reassured. Her astute gaze took in Li Wai’s dark expression as he followed close behind, ready to lop off her arm if he deemed her a danger. She added, “Young man, you should join too! Might do you some good to have some fun eh?”

Li Wai’s eyes widened, his lips opening and closing like a fish out of water. Laughter bubbled in my chest and when my gaze met the old woman’s, we both burst out chortling. Meanwhile, the music had already begun and all the adults, young and old, were linking hands in a large circle around the blazing fire. 

The woman easily inched us into the circle as people greeted her left and right. She took a firm hold of my left hand and arched a brow in Li Wai’s direction, silently motioning him over. I tilted my head back and he regarded me with a hesitant gaze that screamed “Are you sure about this?”

Smiling, I waved him over. As he reluctantly shuffled towards us, I bit down another laugh. My memory was a little vague but I did recall how much he hated dancing when we were younger. I doubt much had changed since then. He took his position beside me, his eyes flitting down to my right hand and then back up at me, seeking my permission. In response, I slipped my hand into his and his fingers cautiously closed over mine. 

Slowly, my eyes drifted up to meet his and in that moment, I saw not the backdrop of a starless night but a brightly lit house. A younger looking and less stern Li Wai looked back at me, his cheeks a shade of pink as our hands accidentally brushed against each other. Just like back then, my heart thundered in my chest and even as the scenery faded to the present time, it had not calmed down one bit.

How could it when the fire threw light on the creeping tint on Li Wai’s wizened face? Almost instantly, a sharp pain in my arm made me drop my gaze, the burning sensation that spread through my skin a reminder of the curse of my soulmate mark. I inhaled a shaky breath and steadied myself both physically and emotionally. This was just a dance, nothing more.

The drums started up again, beating a lively rhythm as people whooped and sprang into motion. I welcomed the distraction and focused my attention on learning the steps which were not too difficult as the elderly woman had said. After one or two rounds, it came naturally to me although not quite so for Li Wai beside me who stumbled around like a klutz.

At the end of the triple drumbeat, the circle shrank in size as all of us lifted our hands and simultaneously walked towards the bonfire. A simple “Hey” shouted in unison, I followed the crowd in crossing my left leg over my right. Not noticing the stock still body beside me, I stumbled into Li Wai, my breath leaving me in a muffled yelp.

As I straightened myself, Li Wai hurriedly uttered an apology which I merely laughed away. His look of frustration mixed with helplessness triggered another bout of giggles and I shook my head in mock disapproval. “It’s simple, Li Wai. Follow me.”

We rejoined the circle and with the help of my softly muttered instructions, Li Wai got through half the routine before he stumbled. Certainly an improvement, I encouraged him amidst a restrained chuckle. One more round later and he was almost mastering the steps. Like an excited mother teaching her child how to walk, I held my breath as the routine restarted.

Walk in, left step, walk out, right step, right step, left step, cross, cross, and… bend!

A proud grin graced my lips. He had done it! Li Wai turned to me, his eyes sparkling in delight as a rare smile adorned his face. That one smile, so genuine and warm. It blinded me.

My heart stopped. The surroundings dissolved around me, the sound of applause muffled by my heart hammering against my chest. The pinprick of pain that seared my skin like a reminder was forgotten, masked by the clenching of my heart. Was this what Han Ge felt each time? To let out the overwhelming well of emotions and bask in the warmth of love? 

If this is what it was like, I would gladly sacrifice my time on earth for a chance to feel so… alive.  The last time I experienced this was more than sixteen years ago at a time when Li Wai and I had been at a crossroads that left us broken and torn apart. But this was vastly different. Not driven by the flames of revenge that licked my soul, this was a passionate warmth that healed the pieces left of me.

I felt it in my heart… this was my calling.

I didn’t know how long I had just simply stood staring at Li Wai but by the time I snapped out of my reverie, he was looking at me with a concerned expression. The crowd had dispersed, leaving just the two of us standing in the fields with the fire gently burning in the background. 

“Li Wai.”

At the mention of his name, he dipped his head, hanging expectantly onto my next words.

I sucked in a short breath, briefly looking down before fixing him in an earnest gaze. “Let’s run away together.”

Li Wai stared at me uncomprehending. His brows creased as he asked tentatively, “Run where?”

“Anywhere.” I did a sweeping gesture over the fields. “Far away from the palace. Just the two of us.”

It was a bold, wild, and completely reckless suggestion, I admitted. Certainly a lot for him to take in as his eyes flitted left and right, trying to make sense of what I said.

“But your duties..” he trailed off.

“You heard the shopkeeper back there. Lu Bei is doing a good job on the throne.”

He looked up sharply. “So are you. I’m sure the peace treaty will work out with yo-“

“No,” I cut him off, a touch of bitterness in my tone. “If I take back the throne, the Tufan leader will immediately cease the treaty. His hatred of me overpowers any rational thought.”

“But that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to work out something different,” he argued. “You’re a great leader…”

My throat seized up as the sweet compliments that spilled from his lips scalded my ears. I tore my gaze away from him. Head bent, my face scrunched into a look of disgust.

“Enough!” I barked as a hand raked through my hair, nails digging into my scalp. “Yes, for almost two decades now, I’ve given my all for this country. But when it comes to this issue of peace… I’ve tried so many things and nothing has worked.”

As my gaze traveled from the ground to Li Wai’s face, my breath hitched at the look of disappointment on his face. More than the pain that throbbed in my arm, the truth that I had failed at my duties tore my soul apart. Dropping my gaze instantly, the words that fell out of my lips sounded hollow. “I just have to accept it. Accept that I can’t do it.”

“But he has,” I pointed out bitterly. “And it’s working out. This is what’s best for the country. Everyone’s happy, and that’s what matters.”

“And you are happy with this?” It was phrased not as an accusation, but as a genuine question.

The strong pull of his gaze demanded a sincere reply from me but I kept my head down and crossed my arms over my chest. A disheartened scoff punctuated my words. “I thought I would be sadder, honestly. But I’m not.”

Met only with an oppressing silence that pressed me for an explanation, I offered none. My lips drew into a firm line as I stood my ground.

He inhaled deeply, his tone taking on a harsher cadence. “Forgive me for this but I must speak my mind. I simply cannot agree to the shirking of your duties because of your own failure.”

My head shot up, eyes wide as I stared at him in shock. He met my gaze, unflinching. Those emotionless grey eyes of his peered into my very soul. Judging me, condemning me. The pits of my stomach roiled with indignant fury as my nails dug deeper into the flesh of my arms. How dare he accuse me???

My jaw set firmly, I fixed him in a smoldering glare. When he still did not budge, the fire of my wrath exploded in my chest. My hand flew up, palm outstretched, ready to deliver a resounding blow to his cheek. Yet not a single muscle in his face moved. It irked me to no end and I willed my hand to move, to wipe off that nonchalant, defiant look of his.

But it remained unmoving, hanging uselessly in the air. I breathed in heavily through clenched teeth, my chest heaving as I did duel with my own body. Yet something in me could not bring myself to lay a hand on him. Just looking into the depths of his eyes expelled the fight in me. A sheen of tears blurred my vision as I bit my quivering bottom lip. 

The muscles in my arm failing me, I let my hand drop weakly. I clutched my wrist and pulled it towards my chest. My voice unsteady with emotion, I whispered, “Why… are you against this?”

The throb of the accursed soulmate mark matched the constricting of my heart as I forced my words out. “Don’t you love me, Li Wai? Don’t you… want to be with me?” I slowly raised my head. My eyes searched his face desperately for an answer of any sort but his expression gave nothing away. 

His gaze dipped a fraction and his brows creased. He spoke quietly, a touch of anguish in his tone. “The person whom I fell in love back then was a simple commoner like me.”

My breath hitched. The sound of my heartbeat echoed painfully in my chest as a thin red line formed where my nails dug a divot into the skin. But even the warm trickle of blood that tainted my skin could not distract me from the agony that clawed at my soul.

He hesitated, his tongue briefly sliding out to wet his lips before he added in a tone dripped with uncertainty. “I’m not sure whether the woman standing before me is the Empress seeking an escape…”  Pausing, his gaze drifted back up to meet mine. “…or the woman I knew who would always do what she thought was right in her heart.”

My eyes widened as the weight of his words struck a guilty chord in me. Deep inside, it was hard to pretend that my reasons were not entirely noble. And as I forced the words out, I tried to convince not just him but myself. “Maybe you’re right, Li Wai…. Maybe I am escaping.”

An agonized breath expelled from my chest, I looked away into the empty night. The stars that used to paint the sky in a virtual map were hidden from view by the clouds. Like the obscuring of the stars’ guiding light, I had lost my sense of purpose. The unwelcoming blackness of uncertainty closed in from all around, suffocating me. Yet one thing remained clear in the fog of my despair.

I swallowed down the tears that tightened my throat, my voice a little hoarse. “Li Wai, I don’t want to return to the throne and destroy the foundations of this peace treaty.” 

The grip on my arm tightened and I pulled it closer to my chest. With more conviction in my words, I looked up at him. “I don’t want to take away the happiness of my people, my country, knowing that I can’t give them that same thing.” 

“I’m escaping,” I declared firmly. My eyes glistened with resolution, mouth set in a firm line. “I’m escaping because this is what is right.”

Li Wai held my gaze with a burning intensity as he searched my expression for signs of insincerity. When he found none, he exhaled, the soft breath that escaped his lips holding a tinge of relief. He nodded slowly. “I understand. If this is what you believe to be right, then I will follow you wherever you go.”

My heart skipped a beat and though I restrained myself, I couldn’t mask the bubbling sense of hope in my voice. “Really?”

A warm smile crept over Li Wai’s lips as he took a step closer towards me. His hands closed over mine, lending its warmth to my cold skin. “My heart and my soul has always been at your command… (F/N).”

The tears that sprung to my eyes this time was out of sheer joy. As my heart thumped rapidly against my chest, I bit back the growing smile on my lips.

Li Wai dipped his head and planted a small chaste kiss on the tips of my hand. “I won’t make the same mistake I did so many years a-“ 

All of a sudden, his voice trailed off. I lifted an eyebrow, my features morphing into a frown. Confused, I watched his hand drift down to my wrist. As it dawned on me what he had caught on to, I frantically tried to yank my arm away but his iron grip held me fast. 

A growing sense of dread washed over me as he slowly pulled the corner of my sleeves down, revealing the formidable dragon tattoo. Tendrils of green veins snaked down the length of my arm following the sinister spread of the poison. My dark secret now out in the open, I grimaced at the sight. 

“This is…” he muttered slowly as he processed the new information. His gaze followed the trail of green and black ink before moving back up to my face. 

Beads of sweat rolled down my forehead and my skin turned clammy. As his eyes searched mine for an answer, I swallowed down a lump of anxiety, the palpable tension in the air weighing down on me. Every second that passed felt like an eternity waiting for a verdict from him. 

“Is this…” Li Wai licked his lips. “… because of me?”

The words were stuck on the tip of my tongue, unable to come out. The truth was too hard to utter, the fib too flimsy to deceive. Still like a statue, I could only answer with a flickering gaze. But my silence itself was enough for him to tell.

His fingers dug into my skin but the pain that traveled up the length of my arm could not compare to the agony when he said, “Did you really think… that I would let the woman I love die because of me?”

Li Wai’s voice cracked as he held my gaze. “Are you that cruel?”

The lump in my throat grew until I found it hard to even breathe. My eyes stung with the tears held at bay as I forced a shuddering gasp out. “Yes.”

Bitterness seeped into my voice. “I am that cruel.”

“I did so many…” I looked up to the night sky, forcing the tears away. “… unimaginable things. All for the sake of power.”

My eyelids fluttered and when I brought my gaze down, I expelled a shaky breath. “But I never thought I could love. Not for someone like me.”

With trembling fingers, I hesitatingly reached out to where he gripped my wrist. I could feel his body tense as I covered his hand with my own. “But these few days, I remember what it was like to have someone in my heart. To not live for the country but for myself.”

I lifted my head to look at him, a bittersweet smile painted on my lips. “I want to pave my own destiny. And my destiny is to be with the one I love… with you.”

My voice trembling, I finally uttered the three words that I should have said all those years ago.

“I love you, Li Wai.”

When I saw his eyes waver, my whole world stopped. Seconds felt like minutes. His footsteps seemed to echo unendingly as he closed the distance between us. And then… his hand pressed my head into his shoulder, his touch the magical switch that made my world come back to life. I let out an involuntary cry, the tears falling unrestrained down my cheeks as I stood there in his embrace.

“I’m here, (F/N),” he whispered into my ear. “I’m here.”

And that was all I needed. 

Not my crown, not my country…. Not my body.

I could forget everything including the poison that fed on me until I died. As long as he was with me.

It was a perfect moment until-

A shriek pierced through the still night. It was quickly followed by a succession of yells amidst the thundering roar of hooves. Decidedly not celebratory, it was a cacophony of sounds that cried out “Danger” in red.

Immediately breaking apart, Li Wai and I glanced back at the village. Columns of light were scattered throughout the streets, the heat from the flames already warming the cool night air. Whatever it was, whoever they were, it spelled of trouble. 

Li Wai gripped my hand tightly in his, his voice quiet but authoritative. “We need to go.”

When I didn’t move, he tugged me along with him. “Run!” 

Stunned into action, I mutely followed as we headed for the forest. There was a lot of open ground to cover and as our boots thumped loudly on the earth, I could only pray that no one would catch sight of us. Panting and slightly out of breath, we reached the edge of the tree line and scrabbled up the small hill that overlooked the small town.

Crouched close to the ground, we had a good view of the entire place. It wasn’t a pleasant sight to behold. Soldiers on horses were torching the shops while more were on foot and entering house after house. They were searching… searching for me. I grimaced, my fingers bunching into fists as I cursed at my inability to stop them.

“There are two groups of soldiers,” Li Wai whispered astutely. “The ones who are burning..” He gestured to the far left of the town, then to the far right. “…and the ones who are questioning.”

I followed his gaze and noticed what he had pointed out. Both groups of soldiers were not moving cohesively but instead, seemed independent of each other. I frowned. Were they just different units or sent by different people?

“They have different missions, it seems,” Li Wai said in answer to my silent question. “Those who are simply questioning… they are Zhike’s men. I recognize their distinct uniform.”

My heart sank further. If Zhike’s men were already here, how long would it be before we were caught?

“And the other group..” Li Wai’s voice trailed off as his brows furrowed in thought. “Can it be?”

“What?” I prodded.

He shook his head, uncertain of what he was about to say. “The way they operate… it’s very similar to Lu Bei’s task force.”

My eyes widened as I tried to make sense of what was happening. This was abnormal. If Lu Bei wanted to achieve peace with the Tufan, setting fire to one of their villages – even if it was to eliminate me – would be counterproductive. Instead, he should be silently cooperating with Zhike’s forces to make sure I was dead. 

Silently, I tore down all the pieces of facts I had gathered. There was something I had missed, I was sure. Drawing links, theorizing, deconstructing, and then reconstructing it together… when the final piece of the puzzle came together, my breath caught in my throat. My veins turned cold as I lay numb in the revelation of my conclusion. 

“Lu Bei..” I mumbled aloud, trying to come to terms with the facts. “He doesn’t want peace.”

Li Wai turned to look at me with an expression that was a mix of confusion and dread.

“Lu Bei is not after peace,” I repeated more firmly.

My eyes wandered back to the burning village, my lips dry as I considered my plan of action. “And if there’s no peace in this country, there’s no peace for me.”

I swallowed hard, reconciling the decision I had made. When I looked back at Li Wai, I read in his solemn and sorrowful expression that he knew what I wanted to do. But it was something I had to say aloud, both for him and for myself.

“We are going back.”


End file.
